Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I am going to say this because I believe it to be true: a loved woman loves well. I am loved beyond well; I am loved deeply by the very Author of Love - now that is romance! But it is a romance not defined by earthly terms, but crafted in the courts of Heaven. I am wooed by a simplistic love that nourishes and strengthens my complex being. Jesus, truly you wrap me in Your Robe of Righteousness, and draw me close into Your presence, this presence You ask me to seek, a Presence that I know I gain strength and courage from (1 Chronicles 16:11). Truly you know the all of me, know my sillinesses, my sins, my shattered self, my longing for a selfless love that a selfish self slanders serially.

And Jesus, each minute of my menial day, You remind me of You, of the journey into Your heart. Amen!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

from my organic journal

Isaiah 40:21-31 is becoming a favourite passage of Your words to me; these are words of our Father, imbued with power, strength, and might. The word "impossible" does not even enter my mind as I read and reflect on these particular words. I want to affirm these words in my life and in the lives of those around me. Jesus, my Most Cherished One, I thank You for the Might You impart in my life today; these words, these very words are from You to me:
     Lift up your eyes on high, and see Who has created these things, Who brings out their
     host by number; He calls them all by name, by the greatness of His might and the
     strength of His power; not one is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O
     Israel; "My way is hidden from the LORD, and my just claim is passed over by my
     God"? (Isaiah 40:26,27)

My Love, You brought me out, and in this very space and time as I put this pen to this page to pull these words from mind to put into matter, the greatness of Your might and the strength of Your power keeps me here; I am not missing. You keep me in this place; this is how much You care for me, so I have no excuse to not bring my claim to You, in a sense, it would be an insult to not ask, and a greater insult to say, "My way is hidden from You," WOW. These are words of power, of strength. Here are my words back to You Beloved Jesus:
       I am weak, but You will give me power (29), I am growing faint, and I am weary, and  
       I am falling, but I wait on You, my Lover and My LORD, for I know You will renew my
       strength and will lift me up on eagles wings and I will run and not weary, I will walk
       and not faint (31).

This is Your Love for me and You want me to bring myself to You and pour myself out as an offering, a sweet fragrance to You. Just as Your understanding is unmeasureable to me, so is Your Love for me; I can never fully understand, but I will always lay claim to Your affections.

So, my Beloved, I come into Your presence through Your sacrifice for me, I sit at Your feet, clothed in Your Blood, wrapped tightly in Your Righteousness; I can see it already in my minds eye, the cloth is the deepest red, yet so white, it's so beautiful to see and so soft and silky to touch. I thank You for this Beautiful, Most Precious, Invaluable Gift to me; this is the measure of Your Love for me, this robe, this red, red robe of shimmering goodness. Amen. 

Friday, December 2, 2011

honestly, I have not idea what this year will bring, but all I know is that I want to come closer to You, Jesus. Nothing else matters, nothing concerns, nothing else will hold my vision and mission as You will. Thank You for loving this fragile vessel, and springing forth within the deep dark recesses of my soul. Again, continue to move the mountains of my soul and the remove this stone of a heart. Amen

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Last year had such purpose and vision and this year, well, I'm stumbling a bit. Jesus, give me a vision and a purpose as to what I should do, how I should grow, what I should say. Thank You!

Monday, November 14, 2011

This year I will climb mountains, swim rivers, and stroll across hilltops
So another year has come and gone. A new year is upon me, and I can't help but see this year as a Big Year (birding terminology), the Great Adventure. This year I want to see how many mountains (metaphorically, speaking) I can conqueror, how many rivers I can swim, how many hilltops I can stroll. I want to push the limits of Life and see to what lenghts I can go. I want to pursue my Beloved in all of this; I want to be able to see His face in the surface of this Grand Adventure, to see where He is taking me in Our Love Story. This will truly be an intriguing year!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Another revelational moment: I make excuses to my Jesus. Why in the world am I getting away with this? He lets me walk all over Him. He waits for me in the morning to spend time with Him, and as I lay in bed, I make excuses to myself not to get out. If I made excuses to actual people, people I can see, here and touch, I'd get into serious trouble. Hey you, why were you late for work? Oh it took me forever getting out of bed. If anything, I should be accountable to Him first and foremost, but often times (most times), I am accountable to Him last. This is not good, folks!!! If I am not accountable to my God, how can I be accountable to my husband, or my children? At the moment, I am getting by with "enough" accountablility to those around me. But truthfully, is "enough" good enough? No. I need to do better. Beloved, help me in this area!! Amen

Monday, October 17, 2011

I sit here absorbing the nuances of the evening twilight; cup of tea in hand, and the sound of guitar and singing just below me. I sip slowly and just bask in utter contentment; it's been absolute ages since I've felt this kind of peace. My soul is at rest. I am wonderfully loved by the most amazing Individual in the world, in the universe. Each day I am pulled closer to Him by strands of experiences, of memories, of love poured out through words, thoughts, and actions. Each day is a strengthened strand that draws me closer to His heart. Amen. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I've been reflecting on this phrase of "Seek His Heart". Seeking His Heart in all matters means to give up my own opinions, my own desires, my own options. The adventure in looking is not accepting what He has to say, but desiring, straining to hear what He has to say. Not accepting but desiring after, His words - knowing they are gold, they are pearls, they are life and breath. My intimate daily walk with my Beloved Jesus is absolutely, astoundingly, breath-takingly beautiful. Here is a Man who knows me and when I seek after His heart, His heart reflects back to me my own heart, and ironically, it's condition. But the more I find Him out, look for Him, speak to Him, the more I am beginning to fade. I am disappearing into Him and it is wonderful!! This is what I've always wanted and now I understand how to obtain this Pearl of Great Worth. Amen.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My new byphrase is, Finding the Heart of Jesus. Last night, I asked Him what was His heart in the matter, and in turn He reflected the question back at me and answered me by showing me the situation of my heart. Hmmmm, His heart is otherness. By looking out for His heart, He looks out for mine. Now that's harmony!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Renewed Heart Ministries E-Sight

I get these every week, and this particular e-sight basically summarizes my beautiful walk with Christ at the moment, the part about focusing on His heart for me and not trying to get Him into my heart. Enjoy and be blessed! Click here for original link.

One of the experts in the law answered Him, “Teacher, when you say these things, you insult us also.” Jesus replied, “And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.” (Luke 11:45-46)

First, I am on my way to Honolulu tonight to get ready for the new The Jesus Dialogue series and I'm so stoked I could almost pop. Never have I felt such clarity in thought. And I am so excited about this upcoming event. It begins this next Friday night (October 7)at the Honolulu Central SDA Church. Please make this series a priority in your prayer. I have never felt a series fit so perfectly together. It's almost as if revealing the Character of the Father through the lens of the person of Jesus Christ was the emphasis our beliefs were to always have. It makes perfect sense and it works so seamlessly. In each presentation, as I've written them, God's love keeps getting clearer and brighter each step of the way. It is my aim to publish each night's presentation to the website each following day so we can share it with everyone. So, please partner with us in prayer, pray without ceasing with us, and keep an eye out on the website for it beginning next week.

But enough about that. Let's get back to Luke 11. This week, I want to continue with verses 45 and 46.

Jesus has, up to this point in the passage, been directing His comments toward the Pharisees, but now we see Him changing His focus from the Pharisees to the Scribes. The Scribes were the law experts, the ones who interpreted the law for the Pharisees. The Pharisees simply applied the law; however, the scribes told them how to apply it. So the Scribes are the real culprits, the ones at the foundation of this religious environment Jesus is so vehemently opposed to in these passages.

To begin, notice that out of anything Jesus could have focused on, that this is what Jesus chose to point out first:

“You load people down with burdens they can hardly carry.”

Greek word here is phortizo, which was the verb used for loading boxes or cargo on ships. In other words, you are loading people down with thing after thing. Here’s another thing you need to do and here’s another and here’s another. Here’s an “ought,” here’s a “should,” here’s a “gotta do.” Imagine if you will, a person to be a cargo ship, and all their religious community’s endless religious rules are the cargo that they find themselves weighed down under.

Jesus was ministering in the midst of a religious environment that made following God difficult, while according to the words of Jesus, it was supposed to be easy.

By contrast, Jesus said, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”(Matthew 11:28-30)

This is such a misunderstood subject. And before we dive into it, I want to just add at the beginning that if you find in your heart the tendency to lean more toward answering that following God IS difficult, then I would submit that to whatever degree we find this feeling inside of us, to that same degree we have not yet truly seen the God Jesus come to reveal to us.

But I can already hear someone out there bristling, “what about the struggle with the flesh?” If I can be open and honest for a second, too many times we become too preoccupied with “battling” our flesh. (I know I know, but don’t misunderstand me.) The flesh dies in the light of the Cross. Our self-centered bent becomes eradicated in us to the degree that we live in the light of the Cross. Now, of course this does not happen overnight and, yes, it is especially experienced in stages or degrees, but listen: The struggle should not be to fight the flesh, but to fight to keep our eyes on the love that streams from the cross of Calvary so the flesh remains dead! Wouldn’t it make sense to—instead of always going around wrestling with the fruit of our self-centeredness—to rather simply cut it off at the root? Doesn’t it make more sense to, instead of wrestling from the outside in, to go right to the heart of the matter and cut it off on the inside at its very core? This is what Paul wrote happens inside of us when we genuinely grasp what Calvary is whispering to us—the love that’s in God’s heart for us all.

The love of Christ controls us, having concluded that one died for all, we can reason that therefore all died; and He died for all so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for He who died and rose again on their behalf. (2 Corinthians 5:14)

Did you catch it? “No longer live for ourselves.”

Does this mean we should never wrestle? No, I’m not saying that. What I am saying is that the more preoccupied we are with the revelation of God’s heart of radical, self-sacrificial, other-centered love as revealed through the cross of Calvary, the easier our internal wrestling will be. Listen, none of us have arrived. Of this, I am sure. But something else that I am equally sure of is that when I, in my heart, am focusing on God’s heart for me, when I cease to be so preoccupied with getting God in my heart and I focus instead on seeing how deeply I am in the heart of God, every sacrifice I am called to make for the kingdom ceases to be a sacrifice and becomes a delight, every duty I am called to for the sake of the kingdom ceases to be a duty and becomes a pleasure.

Now again, Jesus was ministering in the midst of a religious environment that made following God difficult, while according to the words of Jesus, it was supposed to be easy.

What we have here are two contrasting realities. One which from the outside looks very hard but is actually easy, and the other which, if I can be honest, for most people is easy, but when we attach endless “religious” rules to it, make it much more difficult for folks.

First let me explain by what I mean by “from the outside looks hard but is actually easy.”

Listen, Paul’s life of living for the kingdom was, looking at it from the outside, hard! But if you were to look at what was going on in Paul’s heart in response to Jesus, you would see, really, it was the easiest thing in the world for him to love someone back who was so unselfish, so other centered, so beautiful, regardless of the cost to himself and with no thought of what he may have received in return.

Those who follow the opposite, which is the “actually easy but we make it hard” paradigm, are really in a spiritual prison where they receive life, value or security from either the rightness of their beliefs or the rightness of their behavior. (See last week’s eSight.) That’s what makes it hard. No matter how many beliefs they have piled up or how many rules they have, it just never seems to be enough. This kind of religiosity is very hard.

Two things I’ve noticed with these folks are that usually, if you look carefully enough, you find they believe some really strange things that puts them in a minority, a special group of people, where only they believe this way, because they actually are getting life or value, or self worth, or a sense of eternal security from believing this way. (I like to remind those who really believe they are right about some unique doctrinal position, that, if it’s true, the Devil too must know and believe this but it doesn’t do Him any intrinsic good. Only when we allow right doctrinal facts to lead us to the truth of a right understanding of God’s love for us, does the rightness of our belief ever have any intrinsic value and relevance.)

Also, I’ve noticed that these folks tend to degrade what following Jesus really means in the realm of lifestyle. They begin to characterize rightness of behavior as “I don’t listen to this type of music,” “I don’t eat these certain foods,” “I don’t wear this type of clothing or adornment,” and the like. (Now I can already hear it, some of you do have strong opinions about what is right or wrong in these categories, and listen to me, I do too, but hear what I am saying.) It is much more attainable through reliance on our own willpower not to eat certain foods, not to listen to certain music, and not to wear certain attire than it is to actually love your enemies, give all your possessions to the poor, and throw parties in our homes for those who materially have nothing (see Luke 14:12-14).

Because these folks are receiving self worth, value, or eternal security from the rightness of their behavior, there is a tendency with many, sometimes without their even realizing it, to belittle what it means to follow Jesus to a matter of simple externals. Now, to escape any possibility of having to deal with the emotions of failure when so much is at stake, they tend to degrade following Jesus to a level that they themselves can reach with simply the strength of their own will power. They can do it. Now it is hard. But it’s just hard enough to give them a sense of value and worth for actually achieving that behavior, but it’s not so hard that they can’t do it. Jesus would disrupt the lives of people who were invested in this type of religiosity. “You want to play this game, fine, go sell everything you have and give the money away to the poor. You want to get worth or security from your behavior? Here’s where the standard really is—good luck with that!” I call this kind of religiosity “easy” because that compared to what God’s kingdom really is about, what I eat, what I listen to, and what I wear are a breeze! These are actually the very things that people in our secular world do quite easily. Watching your diet is a secular health trend right now. Some folks actually prefer one music already over another. And I’ve noticed in my area, even folks who aren’t religious are very simple or humble in their appearance, and none of this is for religious reasons at all. These are actions even sections of our secular populations do, and for them it’s EASY! In reality, when you truly grasp what Jesus actually was teaching, Jesus lifts the standard so high that it would take a miracle for us to live that way, but then shows us such an incredible love that we find ourselves genuinely desiring to live that life of other-centered love. We begin to witness it actually coming from, not ourselves, but the strange work that Jesus himself is doing in our innermost heart.

Again, we have two realities. One that on the outside looks very difficult but is actually made easy, and it’s opposite, the paradigm where we find ourselves doing things from a religious motive that most people would find easy, but because we attach religiosity to it, it becomes difficult.

This second paradigm actually does damage to people’s perception—both within religious communities and without—of what it really means to follow Jesus. These types of religious environments burden their adherents with “here’s an ‘ought,’” “here’s a ‘should,’” “here’s a ‘gotta do.’” They load people down and they exhaust them.

Instead Jesus calls us to live in a way that on the outside, to the natural heart, looks extremely difficult if not impossible, but through the revelation of his love, changes us from the inside out and makes it all easy.

Let me wrap it all up this week.

In summary, what Jesus is doing with rebuking the Scribes in the opening passage is condemning religious environments that simply want to look good or holy by having a people who look good, according to their standards, so they give them all these things to “carry.” They simply load people down and exhaust people with thing after thing after thing and don’t do a thing to help people carry it all. Environments like these tend to care more about religious rules than people. They pile on the rules even though people are dying, they tend to control people with their rules, and ultimately they tend to exhaust people. (If you’ve ever come out of this kind of religious paradigm you know as well as I do that one of the main ways that environments try to control you is by shame, fear, and intimidation.)

By contrast, Jesus really does give rest to people. Instead of exhausting those He came in contact with, He empowered them. To Jesus, people mattered more than all the religious rules. Jesus would heal people on the Sabbath, feed people on the Sabbath, affirm a lady who was bleeding for touching Him. He’d embrace lepers. It was almost as if Jesus looked for anywhere where there was a religious taboo that placed religious rules above concern for people—the very people He loved and came to die for—and He goes out of His way, with extravagantly overt and public methods to break the taboo because people come first! (In our Christian culture, the more I read about Jesus and understand the culture in which He was ministering, the more clearly I begin to see how radical Jesus, His picture of God, and His teaching of how we are to follow that kind of God really were and continue to be today.)

We, too, then as followers of Jesus must begin to create religious environments where people feel genuine rest for their souls: environments that, through the same revelation of God that we find in Jesus, empower people to embrace a life of other-centered love; environments that, through the revelation of who God really is and what dwells in His heart for you, genuinely empower people to live other-centered lives; in light of what Jesus so strongly said to this Scribe, environments that care more about people than they do about loading people down with thing after thing; and in the areas where rules are needed, environments where the rules that do exist genuinely reflect the intrinsic nature of reality rather than simply being another form of imposed religiosity. We must begin to create religious environments that care more about helping people than exhausting people—environments that seek be a living corporate demonstration of God’s love for this world.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this week's eSight. Please keep this upcoming series in your prayers. And in the light of God’s extravagant unbounded love for the evil as well as the good, this week, live a life of that kind of love. Love like the sun shines and like rain falls. (Matthew 5:44-45) Love like Christ, and keep building the kingdom.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I find myself liking a particular guy, and as I ponder how I should deal with these thoughts and emotions, I am in need of godly counsel, but I find myself at a lost. Every woman I know who'd I'd regularly go to have the attitude of snap the finger, swivel the hip and, "you need to be all over that guy" finger shaking. There is no encouragement of "wait on Jesus" or a verse of sustainance given that draws me closer into my Jesus' embrace. Actually, I've come to this realization several times. There is no woman around me who is sitting beside the Fountain of Living Water, sitting and drinking deep of Him, satisfied in His presence, willing to be drawn closer into His embrace. I know not of any older single women who are content to wait on His leading, and whose desires are fulfilled in Him. I know we are broken people, but I am finding broken people who are looking for healing in the wrong place. I want to get married but only in the correct context - marriage is a ministry, an opportunity to come closer to Jesus, to be more like Him.

So in my disappointment of not knowing any satsified older single women, I turn to my Beloved even more so. Is this ironic? Is this divinely led? Is it providence? I don't know, but I am realizing this needs to be a part of my testimony, the story of my being single and being satisfied, of being sustained in this desert, of being planted beside the Waters. And I am finding in this particular journey, beauty. There are key verses that I am being drawn to, drawn to take hold of as I commune with my Beloved, parts of His Love Letter to me. They are breath-takingly beautiful. Thank goodness, He is still leading me, and I am still learning. Amen.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

I haven't thought about the full ramifications of it until now, but my Jesus has always led me professionally. Every job I have worked has been divinely directed to my attention, placed in my path or given to ma wide open door. Every job. I realize just how powerfully testifying that is to me! I came to an understanding of this unique leading only a few years ago, when I worked in South Korea. I had been placed there, and when I tried to stay longer than His intended time for me, the door promply shut. It was the first time I noticed His hand in this particular aspect of my life.

I've worked three jobs within my first year after graduate school. I wasn't looking for these jobs, even during the time I worked all of them at once (October was the overlapping month). I can now see His ultimate, and powerful leading in directing me to my MA degree, and to each job specifically. I have grown mountains in my time with Him; connecting with others in whose paths He placed me, as well as placing others in my path to know Him even more.

All of this is humbling. I am thankful He has brought this to my attention. Here is a history (a long one) of His every Faithfullness. What a blessing! What a hope!

I ponder and I reflect because another job has been placed before me yet again, and the uniqueness of how it was placed before me causes me to wonder. I realize I am becoming satisifed in my current job, and am truly being blessed through the work and through my coworkers. I am satisfied and when I thought about moving, I was startled to realize that I don't want to move. But now, as I reflect how my Jesus has moved me according to His will, I must see if this is His intention for me. I know He will place me where I am needed, and where I need to know Him more. I go where He wants me.

Friday, August 26, 2011

One thing that I love about my Jesus is that He is faithful, He is patient and His mercy is new everyday. I was reminded of this last night. I had been stumbling along for the last few months, disillusioned, in the pit of self-loathing (after a manner), and just confused, and last night, I called out, Make it simple for me, cut it down, throw away the access, simplify it!

I haven't been having heart to heart conversions with Him for awhile; I was focusing on the by-products of my relationship with Him. Accomplishing in eating better, loving better, focusing on my other half, focusing on understanding His promises, just not talking to Him, or focusing on Him. I realize now, I was reading a lot of other books, and not strictly, His Word. I was reading other books that were about His Word, but it wasn't enough; I was slowly starving. All I need is His Word and His Spirit to direct my life. He has led me through tremendous mountains just through these Two.

Great truths He has shown me just through These Two. In the books I read, I see that others have come to these Truths, and they write about their journey, and share the truth, but I need to walk my own journey with my Beloved, and share my testimony by living my life within Him. It may never be required of me to write a book about this journey, I just need to live it out.

Even here, in this space, this is a testimony. In the paragraphs above, this is Divinely Led. These throughts were not present last night as He brought me back to His Basics. Look at Paul, Peter and John, the key writers of the NT, they had nothing but His Word (OT) and His Spirit (Acts 1:5,8), and look what they produced? More of His Word, and more of His Truths. They had a close initimate relationship through these two simple but powerful channels. 

So I praise Him!! For He is truly my Shepherd, and I lack nothing. He has caused me to lie in green pastures, and leads me beside quiet waters, refreshing my soul. He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake. And when I walked through this dark valley of confusion, I knew He was right beside me, and did not despair because I knew He would bring me out of my confusion.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

I am humbled. I've been reading through Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage, and I am really wrapping my brain around his presentation of a holy marriage and not necessarily a happy marriage. Read the book, it'll get your head gears moving. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Zephaniah 3:14-17 have become a favorite. As I recall it to my mind over and over again, it sinks into my bones, but having reread it this afternoon online, I realized I missed some of the verse! Here it is again:

14 Sing, O daughter of Zion!

Shout, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!

15 The LORD has taken away your judgments,
He has cast out your enemy.
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst;
You shall see disaster no more.

16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“ Do not fear;
Zion, let not your hands be weak.

17 The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Monday, July 4, 2011

I was walking with my Beloved this morning, and we were discussing my spiritual role in the lives of the women around me, revealing to me that I am a spiritual sister/mother. That each individual is liken to a talent, and that the time I spend with them increases their spiritual value. Of course in the same breathe, He said I can't do this by myself.

It's true. The only way I can reach these women is if I am nourished by my Beloved, spend time with Him, share with Him, reveal to Him my heart, allow Him to pursue me, daily ransom me. He, of course, is becoming more and more beautiful to me, and I can't help but want to spend more and more time with Him - to daily embrace the one Person in my life whose love is tender, passion and compassion is complete!

I am truly blessed, and yet I feel saying this is so minimal. I know that I must share this blessing, share what it is like to be loved by Him! Words are always useless, so to action I am called. May He give me the right motions to share in the lives of the women around me. Amen.

Friday, July 1, 2011

A text I want to share that is impacting my life on a daily basis.

Sing, O daughter of Zion! Shout, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice, O daughter of Jerusalem! The LORD has taken away your judgement, He has cast out your enemy. The King of Israel is in your midst, you shall not see disaster no more. ~ Zephaniah 3:14-16

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A lot has happened in the last 48 hours. My paradigm of Jesus has shifted drastically, and this is so incredibly beautiful to me.

I am understanding my gender in context to my relationship with God. I am a woman and I am going to connect to Him differently than a man would connect with Him and He will speak to me in a way that I can understand as a woman.

I am beginning to read the Word through the eyes of a woman rather than through the "eyes" of a man. Too long I have been using phrases that are masculity based such as being full of His glory (male) rather than being full of His beauty (woman). I now understand!

And He romances me! Not romance in the context of the world but in context to His Standard. As a woman, He will reach me in context to my Original Design, the Pattern He created in all women. As I embrace my Original Design, I am led into an awakening realization that He is Beautiful to me, He pursues me, woos me, cherishes me, guides me, refines me, gently leads me, shows and tells me that I am Most Precious, most Beautiful and Lovely to behold. Wowzers!

How can I say all of this about Him? I am embracing His Design for me, and in the process He is giving me a new eyes, a new mind, a new heart!

Beloved, lead me in losing my heart in Your Heart.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

August 31 is my deadline with my Beloved. It's almost exactly 3 months away. My sister also has a deadline: June 28th. Amidst these prayer deadlines where we are asking for His answer in very specific ways, we take comfort in the fact that He says, have faith as small as a mustard seed. We are wanting to grow that mustard seed.

So, deadlines. To focus my mind in prayer, in resting in His assurances I am going the next step: fasting. I will abstain from meat, sugar, and eating late at night, and will drink more water, and walk more each day. This is rather small compared to what my Beloved did when He was on earth during His ministry. The Spirit calls me to a particular committment in questing our specific prayer requests.

I am so EXCITED to what He will reveal when this time has come.  

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Beloved asks me to abandon the self completely so that He may dwell within. This is a topic I am seriously studying in my personal time with Him but as well as trying to see how it impacts the rest of my day. How can He dwell within throughout the day? The greatest challenge that I find to this desire is the world's obession, perhaps even desperate drive to push upon every individual the need for self-glorification. We live in a generation where technology is named iPhone, iPod, iPad, etc. Other's have picked up on it and are now dubbing everything to the "i". I want to die to self daily. I want to slay it, shove it out the room, get rid of it through whatever manner. My identiy will no longer be me, but Him. My Beloved must have everything of me. I want Him front and center, Holder of my thoughts, Mover of my members. This is His sanctuary, but this santuary needs some SERIOUS cleaning. And not just a once or twice cleaning - a daily cleaning, an hourly cleaning. We have to keep cleaning out the corners, sweeping away that black silk, wiping down the dust. It needs to be spotless, and I know I can't do it. I desire for it to be done, but I know I can't do it. Only by dying to self, losing my identity can He, my Beloved move right in. It's the only way, because He is the Way.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Today, I climbed a hill and at the top, I lay down, took off my jacket, took off my shoes, and took off my socks. I absorbed some sun, caught some breeze and toed some grass. It was glorious and I am sure I would have stayed longer but the day called and I answered. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

I am at ACTS for Christ this weekend, and even now, only after a day, Jesus has been challenging and changing how I see life. It's like those old truths. You know them, but they become new all over again when Jesus has His hand in the matter. He brings new life, energy, vitality to those truths. They are reborn, as a daily relationship with Him deepens and expands into the horizon. There's a lot I am taking in, and I KNOW, that  I need to pray for the knowledge I am receiving to be applied to my life. Not for sanity's sake but for my relationship with Jesus' sake. I'll get back to you on this at a later date.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

This morning as I was reflecting on John 20, I realized I've been on the book of John for 4 months. I've come to really know Jesus initimately during this time. He's always been a part of my relationship with the Father, but during these 4 months, He's become a living, breathing, blood-flowing in the flesh person to me. I don't know what it is but there's a stronger connectiveness because of my conversations with Him. I love my Father, and He's become the Parent I've always wanted, but Jesus is becoming my Best Friend, and turning to Him throughout the day is easy.

This morning I asked for distinctiveness in Jesus's love for me. I asked that the love I am reading about, and the love I am thanking Him for be tangible today. I asked that what I was thinking and praying about come into the physical. I say this also in context to my work as well. I know it is a place where He should be glorified, but "knowing" isn't enough. "Doing" has to come out of that "knowing". I am tired of inaction.

So, as I was going about my morning, filing, moving files about, He said to me, "Show them My love." It's still ringing through my ears - Show them My Love. It's so incredibly simple, yet profoundly powerful. He tends to have a habit of that. Now I will be asking myself on a daily basis, "How can I love You?"

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I am a witness to the world as it dies around me. But it isn't just simply dying. It is being brutalized, tortured, raped and torn to death. It isn't just giving up the ghost, as the cliche goes. It is being mutilated and with each deformity, dying. I am seeing it in humanity. I am seeing it in nature. I am a witness. But I ask Him, what else can I do other than be a Witness?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I am giving up much in my pursuit of Christ. But I realize at the same time, I am gaining much. I am becoming sensitive to the world around me and in my discovery, finding pain, sorrow, anguish, hatred, chaos. And I am not running away from this, but embracing this view into the world I live in. I can see the heart of Christ in all of this, the sorrow, pain, and anguish piercing each cell of His heart. What I am beholding in humanity is controlled chaos. It doesn't frighten me, but to the heart, it saddens me. I see what the world is without Christ. I see what the world is without the law of self-sacrificing love. A world teetering on the brink of eternity. Heavenly Father, continue to show me the unfolding of this world's last history. Amen

Sunday, February 27, 2011

No man will satisfy the hunger that daily springs up within my soul. No man will daily provide for me the food that will keep this body going. No man will daily woo this heart with kindness, gentleness and loving guidance. No man will spiritually focus me, refine me. No man on a minutely basis will guide and direct my thoughts heaven ward. No man died for me and cleanses me of my inward filth. No man will know the deepest troubles I have and will experience. No man will listen as I rejoice with my utter being. No man will understand my complaints. But the Son of Man will. The Son of God will provide for my every need because He is becoming my Every Want. I praise You, Father, that at the end of the day, I am not alone. I am Home.


Friday, February 25, 2011

I cling to my Jesus, because as the world interacts with me, I begin to see the sharp contrasts of what it is to be outside of His presence. I am touching sorrow, heartache, pain, rage, anger, more so in the people I daily interact. I cannot see cool Living Streams spring out from their deeps. I see the thirst within them and watch as they reach for broken cistern. Oh My Father, what can I possibly do?! Words don't reach them, so I pray that my life in living for my Jesus will.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

“All true obedience comes from the heart. It was heart work with Christ. And if we consent, He will so identify Himself with our thoughts and aims, so blend our hearts and minds into conformity to His will, that when obeying Him we shall be but carrying out our own impulses. The will, refined and sanctified, will find its highest delight in doing His service. When we know God as it is our privilege to know Him, our life will be a life of continual obedience. Through an appreciation of the character of Christ, through communion with God, sin will become hateful to us.” (DA 668)
So, I have been on John 10 for over a month now. Only the Father knows why.

Therefore, My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. John 10:17

Jesus wasn't just laying down his life, He laid it down because that was the point of His sacrifice but it is an automatic assumption that He would take up His life again. People don't realize that He had to take it up again. Him dying for us and staying dead would have defeated the purpose of His sacrifice in the first place. So, what did Christ really have to loose if He gave up His life?

He sacrificed His life but in vs. 17 and 18 He talks about it being His choice to lay down His life and in the same motion take it up again. If He knew He'd be rising from the grave, what then was the sacrifice? Being separated entirely from the Father? Was that the sacrifice?

So what did it mean for Christ to be separated from the Father for that time period? It would have been the one and only time in the entire history of the Trinity that one of them would be silent. They who are infinite, and Their existence has no beginning or end, would for a short period of time be separated. Fellowshipping between the Three was disrupted.

And the idea that God would taste death. The idea, death is so very based in mortal ideology. Death has become the norm for humanity, so to wrap our heads around the idea that our God "died" willingly is mind boggling. Jesus did not die of old age or was killed as the cross depicts, but while hanging on it, He literally committed His Spirit to the Father. Handing there, He allowed the take over of sin to consum Him, hence the separation from the Father, hence the utter and complete absence of God.

Separation from God was the sacrifice. He felt He would be separated forever from the Father He loved. Felt is an incredibly strong emotion. Yet, Jesus knew (opposed to felt) that He would be connected to the Father again, even though He didn't feel it. He knew because during His time on earth, He and the Father spent every free time together through prayer.

There will come a time when "feeling" Christ's presence will be gone, and because I have built up my relationship with Him, I will know He is still with me. A time in earth's history will arrive when the Spirit will stop striving with man, but Christ will still be present to those who have established Him in their hearts. So from John 10:17 I must lay down my own life for Christ so that I may truly know the love of the Father. Amen

Monday, February 21, 2011

John 10:15

The Father and Son are of one accord.

"As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the Sheep". One has to read the rest of John 10 to get a background understanding of what Jesus is saying to the Pharisees. In this chapter Christ is speaking about the Good Shepherd and Himself as that very Shepherd. But I digress. On to the topic at hand.

Jesus speaks about "knowing" the Father, and this type of knowing seems to have the same meaning or connotation as when Adam "knew" Eve. Not in the sexual sense but in the aspect of being "one". So Jesus knowing the Father and vice versa, means They were one, thus Jesus "laying down [His] life for the sheep"  is an action, one action agreed upon by two individuals. It reminds me later on when Jesus said, "...Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are" (John 17:11). Oneness means completeness which means the ability to succeed, to finish. Being one with the Father, Jesus was only able to lay down His life. By being one with Jesus, who is in the Father, can I lay down my own life, die to self, and live in Christ!

This oneness was the only way Christ could lay down His life; He lay down His life because of His love for the Father, and the Father allowed Him to lay down His life because of His love for the Son. Their love was/is perfect. It was harmonious. It flowed smoothly between Them both. The love between Them resulted in the creation of man. Man and his creation was a part of that love, part of that harmony, hence the utmost reason why Jesus created us and even after sin pursued us and redeemed us. He was anchored to the Father's love. Oneness is one of the foundations of love. Achieving oneness means otherness must come into affect!

Friday, February 18, 2011

My thoughts from this morning as I ponder Christ's presence in my life...

Each and every task Christ attended to before His ministry, whether it was "insignificant" or of the utmost importance, was completed with perfection. Each task faithfully attended to was one step in preparation towards the moments He would daily face in His ministry and inevitably, the Cross. He knew the terrible utter hold that sin had upon the soul of man and knew in equal context the reinforcements needed to sustain Him in His time of need. Each and every task was surrendered to the Father. Christ was always emptied of self for it was the only way each and every task could be accomplished. All surrender of self was done out of unfanthomable love for His creation. The daily surrender, nay, the minutely surrender of self into the Father's hands was an effect of the love that the Father and Son shared for each and every soul that was, is, and will be.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

If I am to love my future spouse through Christ, how can I even contemplate a matter when I myself have not given Him the entirety of me, all heart, mind and soul? I need to spend more time in His Word and flesh out Christ into my everyday existent. I need to furrow the soul of my heart with this Sword so that He may sow within a Garden.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I am beginning to notice how and what people believe of my heavenly Father. I am seeing a trend of "what you know" rather than "who you know." What is known is flaunted, is paradaded about, hung out like business signs, neon lighted, brushed in bold letters on various signage. But Who is known resonates as a deep gushing cold fountain with in the depths of the soul that one drinks of and says "ah" and is refreshed.  We allow the Living Waters to flow out within, so that no words are said, but movement is seen. In John, when Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, He spoke to her of living water, water that moved. That Living Water, Him, when within us, causes us to move, and to move in currents dictated by Him. Hence, I don't need to say anything about who I Know. In silence, I will allow Him to move me.