Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Break through!

Yesterday was a colliding of ideas that pummelled at the foundation of my wayward travelling. A friend mentioned the cycle of life and how as we get older we have less time to ourselves as we marry, have children, and begin to focus our creative energies towards our spouse and our children. This is good unto itself. Additionally, during class discussion, a student profusely stated his desire to return to his first Love, but was having difficulty returning to that state of being. All of these thoughts of the day came colliding into my present state of being, my fallen state of self, and I looked up and for the first time in months clasped the Hand that reached down, and willingly stood up on the legs He gave me.

These last six months have been a struggle, but now I see it as a transition, albeit a difficult transition. I have never been one who adjusts to long term change gracefully. I often do not recognize a transition until months after the fact, but I do appreciate the lesson learnt when it is revealed. I cannot regret the difficulty in which I transformed my ideas, because out of great struggle comes great beauty. There is now balance. In a sense, this has been a two year journey, and I haven't recognized it as such until the very end.

So, I am going to thank my friend for her words of wisdom, for those droplets of knowledge have awaken me to realize I am leaving my creative single self behind, and moving to the mystery ahead. I will tell my student how to return to that sacred Communion, because I cannot deny a thirsty man Living Water, and I will tell him that praise is vital and why and speaking love back to Him through His words is core to the worship/relationship experience with our First Love.

Thank You Jesus for leading me through the wilderness, through a land of deserts and pits, through a land of drought and the shadow of death, through a land that no one has crossed and no one dwells; that You have brought me to the bountiful land, to eat its fruits and its goodness (Jer 2:6,7). Amen!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I've always known of the idea that the mind is connected to the body, but it has become more of a reality in the last 3 weeks. This is the year of becoming healthy. This need to be active has been mentally germinating for the last two months. I started joining health groups on Facebook around that time, and reading a bit of literature (aka Livestrong), and realized that I needed to find something that clicks. Group exercises work the best for me. It is a dedicated set time, I don't have to think about the workout process (Just Do It!), and I can focus on my eating habits without being discouraged in the workout routine arena. In the process of getting healthy, one key component has been pivotal to my entire body/mind health routine. Sleep! I desperately need my 8 hours every night. Along the way of acquiring enough sleep, I've realized some habits that, at times, take away my sleep - my tv/online/book binging habits. I've been struggling in this arena, oh, since June. I had been bad habit clean for a year and a half, and than it went downhill. My time with my Father suffered. But it was interesting. My mental/spiritual time was fine for that year and a half, but my physical time did not improve. I believe this is the year where there will be a balance between the two. For this I am thankful to my heavenly Father for getting it through my thick skull this need for balance.

So my prayer this year, seeking God in the physical by praising Him with my workout routines, my sleep and my eating correctly. Amen!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I haven't felt this emotional in months - emotionally in the turmoil sort of way. I honestly don't even know what to write because along with that churning emotion is a legion of thoughts, and I am finding myself trail hopping each time a new thought occurs. We are both scared about change. Will I be down there, or will he be up here? I am learning the true form of compromise. Learning to let go and be at peace about the choice. I guess, after a nature, being mature about the choice as well. Emotionally, what can I accomplish that he can't? Where in this relationship is there give and take? Am I being selfish? Anyways, I will continue psychoanalyzing myself all the day long. Jesus, thanks for being here. Amen.

Friday, January 4, 2013

I am constantly learning patience. I need to keep reminding myself that when one moment is past that patience does not end there. It is constant and beyond individual moments and waitings. I am quite thankful for a loving man, who points out my impatience, though he may never realize what he is doing. Amen.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I haven't done resolutions in a long time, I am not really a goal setter, but this year I figure I'd try something different. Last year was a roller coaster ride, with my biggest prayer being answered and a realization of how beautiful, but oh so difficult the journey had been before that prayer had been answered. I am ready for another beautifully difficult journey, not into my heart this time, but into my body. This is the year of divine physical intervention. I am curious how Jesus being my workout Buddy will "work out", but I expect it to be amazing, and definitely    refining. But besides being being aware of this fleshy temple, I want to work on a few other things:
  • blogging three times a week
  • something artsy fartsy once a week
  • budget, Budget, BUDGET!
  • Ween myself off of CCs!
  • Read everything in my library
  • 7 - 8 hours a day of sleep
  • be moderate in yoga
  • give extra tithe
  • reduce sugar intake
  • learn to treat myself instead of indulging (aka learn restraint)
  • build endurance
  • Get all of my PD courses DONE!
I am aiming to blog about each of the items on my list as the year goes by. I have a lot on my list, but He will be in the midst of this mess :) Happy about that. Amen.

A new year and I am alive, praise God! I am thankful to be here...