Saturday, October 14, 2017

An answered prayer

I am putting this out there because I want to remember - I need to remember moments when God answers. Thursday was that day. My boss comes to me wanting a rather complicated task completed by the end of the day - a task very much out of my range of capabilities. I had a panicked moment, and remember praying, "God, I can't do this task, it is beyond my understanding, I need You to do this for me." I went to another coworker that I figured would be able to explain the break down of the task to me since it was in his area of work. After going through the task with me, he turns to me and says, "Hey, just email me everything we went over, I'll get it whipped up in half an hour."

My heart skipped for joy!

It didn't take half an hour, more so 3 hours but at the end of the day, I was able to submit the task to her and she was pretty happy with it.

Thank You, Jesus for providing an answer to a desperate prayer. Amen!

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Where I want to go

For the last year and a half, I've been drifting. I've had to do a lot of reevaluating of where I want to go in life and what goals need to be laid down for that to happen. I've had to remix my body, mind and spirit perspectives, most of which had in the past been influenced by my environment. Being completely disconnected from that enviro has caused major shifts on what I want in life - some of the wants are incredibly old just newly realized, and other wants are entirely new. Here's the list -

Being a minimalist - I want to live simply, deeply connected not with the material world, but connected to my surroundings and the people in it. It's also a matter of being a good steward of the earth - and this is a want that I've been struggling with because old habits are a bitch to kill. The spending beast is a strange bedfellow. 

Being a naturalist - I want to live out in nature and base my creative spirit out of that source. This is a very old want newly realized. I had the privilege of growing up out in nature and grow nostalgic about it on a regular basis, always pining after the pines. I want this more than anything now and moving back into that space is now a life vision. 

Being an artist - I want to bleed creatively on a daily basis - but believe or not, it takes time to be habitual about it. Getting into this space has been a journey peppered with people who've constantly pushed me to realize this place within myself. I've come to accept that this is where I am going and I am learning to love being here all over again but with some positive habit building. 

Being health focused - I want to love being active and eating good food but I struggle because I am naturally a sugar addict. This has been the most realized want of this year. Being in an entirely new enviro has helped me to finally get part way to being active and eating good food. I want to embrace the healthy more readily. 

Being a spiritual witness - I want to live out my experience with God/Jesus/Spirit in the conversations I have with the people I meet. The greatest need in my want is creating a consistent habit of daily Communing with Him and celebrating/reflecting on that process regularly. I am still on the search for soulful people to connect and pray with. 

Each goal ties intricately in each other. It's a matter of making the choice each day to realize each goal by figuring out the processes, the individual steps needed.   

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Working through Discomfort

Comfort zones are the foe to my growth experience. This whole year has been about pushing me out of my comfort zone. When I was younger I would constantly remind myself to embrace being outside the comfort zone. I am getting back to that mentality. I am pursuing discomfort - because through discomfort there is a guarantee of growth. And thanksgiving - have to throw that in as well.

I feel like a tree - that all of this is seasonal - like my life is going through cycles of realization. I think initially, I get frustrated with myself but I move beyond that to understand this is how I function - it's how we all tick. As long as I am self-aware, keep reflecting on my inner workings I will keep going forward, be it in a cyclical motion. 

Where the journey is at

I am going through a process of re-purposing my corporate worship experience. Having attended the same congregation for 18 years, I never really had a following out over any disagreement. There was a maintained status quo all those years. During those years of attendance, I did participate in children, worship, and website divisions and appreciated the growth and understanding of my involvement. These areas weren't necessarily my passion, and so a lot of times as the commitment period ended, I would continue onto a new division/section. A lot of times, I got involved because someone asked and the Spirit moved me. However, having married and moved away, I am finding it incredibly difficult to commit to a church because, now as an adult, I am having to start from scratch and it has been difficult.

I think we were divinely led to our apartment. We moved in only to discover a church right beside us. I needed a social group and found out they had a choir. Initially, I started participating at the church next door because of singing. Yet, at some point I was thinking of quitting. When I focused on the service experience - not just being there and singing, I wanted to stay.

And that's where I am at currently.