Thursday, July 12, 2012

Inspiration hits at the most random moments and in the most random places. For me it's either washing dishes, sitting in a bath, or filing folders in a vault. Yes, random. Many things hit me during those times - blog posting ideas, poems, a conversation starter or finisher with my Father. 

One thought hit me tonight, as I sit on my bed (I know, a new random place) - emotional highs. These intrigue me. Emotional highs are from my younger years (*snort* and yes I am not that old, really, truly), from the times I would have ups and downs in the spiritual or relational areas. In my organic journals, I would find a plethora of periods of great frustration of having come down from an emotional high. Don't get me wrong, emotions are good, but I now realize the value of moderation, or accepting emotional highs in of themselves and appreciating them for the moment they represent and move on. I remember a period in my life when I was involved in so many predating scenes ("many" in my mind), that I was emotionally absent. I could easily say adieu, pack up and go. When I realized the absent emotional state of myself, it was time to take a break. 

That was when I took on the mantle of singleness. I knew I didn't know Jesus that well. I remember in my 29th year swearing off men and diving into the relational space of my Trinity. He broke me but healed me in turn, struck me down but bound me up. In the space of this "almost" two years, I've been mentally, spiritually, physically, and socially prodded and poked, broken and bent, hard-pressed and harried, kneaded and knotted, twisted, twirled, tied up and taken down, but returned faithfully to His presence to be put back together by His hands. I have in my own relational space with myself too much of His peace to doubt what He can do in me and for me. I have heard His voice countlessly to know He is Here. I know exactly what He thinks of me. 

I am beginning to tread a new path, a new narrative with another voice that is similar in stance but definitely not my own. I am curious to hear his back story, but also curious to see where our dialogue will go. And of course, I am most curious of how the Narrator will write this particular tale of ours. Amen. 


  1. this post reminded me of when we first met nearly (as you said) two years ago. Interesting how something that year was a catalyst for the journeys we both have been on, similar and yet personally tailored to fit our own tapestries.
    I want you to know that for me, the sky has become yet another shad brighter, and as of two days ago I am beginning to feel and know as if a great storm has finally past, and I am catching a glimpse of a truth that will only grow, that, as deep and dark the turmoil and pain, just as penetrating, deep and strong is the peace of the heart who realizes its emptiness and turns incessantly to the Creator of new hearts -strong hearts, deeply compassionate hearts, free and joy-filled hearts. Though I am sure a shadow of pain will cross my path from time to time, I know something I always heard, and never knew I did not understand: I am of my self absolutely empty, a void - of all faith, trust, joy, good desire even love. But I, (Oh the joy to know), that there is in still in every soul that spark that enables me to go to the Source of life, and be filled, changed, given all, with the endless possibility of infinitely more.
    Soon I know I will see the rainbow in the now white clouds, and have body, mind and soul invigorated by rays of sunlight, and the overpoweringly healing and inspiring sent of freshly washed earth. One of the loveliest scents in the world to me. But, I will especially drink in the soft perfume of the newly budded rose, the one I have been waiting and watching to open all this time.

  2. Lavendra, your words to me are always spiritually inspirational :) I have been and will always be immensely blessed by your journey. Thank you for sharing with me your pain and your joy, and indeed, the road is deeply rutted, and never smooth but those we walk with make the walk somehow easier. Amen.