Monday, July 30, 2012

In self reflective mode right now. This month has been intense. INTENSE! Not in a bad way, but a good way. Intense in such a way that I feel no pressure or any tension. So maybe the word "intense" is not the appropriate word.

So perhaps the word I am looking for is "extraordinary". This month has been extraordinary. One remarkable moment took place - I fell in love. Although there is definitely emotions involved, and goodness, some hormones, it is also an intellectual experience, and somehow there is assurance in knowing it's not entirely a heady experience, but a head experience as well.

I haven't gotten into my head for quite sometime. I haven't had time to reflect on what this means to me. I've adjusted to the aspect of "us" and that is a wonderful adventure daily unfolding, but to me, what does all of this mean to me? As a woman whose been looking for so long, and finally let go, and than immediately placed with such an amazing love, what does this mean to me? Several words come to mind, but one word sticks out: readjustment. It's not a bad word. It's a realistic word. I adjust my time because I want to catch his smiles and his laughter when I can. I adjust my daily plan and my down the road plans, because he is a part of my present as well as my future. I adjust time with family and friends, so that he is included in that time and space framework. Of course this isn't a single foot path. We're both walking this two lane passage. He is adjusting on his end as well.

So, as we meld together, we are also beginning to realize the needed healthiness of adjusting our own personal alone time as well. As I come away from us to dig my personal roots into the soil of Him and I, what am I taking from the "us" factor into His presence?

I am inspirational. I am loved. I am loving. I am beautiful. I am treasured. I am glorious. I am sensual. I am wanted. I am desired. I am explored. I am laughter. Many other words are in mind, but what I want to bring to the forefront of my thoughts is these are truths I've known of myself. These words were told to me whenever I came into my Creator's presence. The difference is that these words about me became even more real when spoken aloud to me. I've said this else where, but there is power is spoken words. I accepted these words as truth, because I trust the person who speaks them. He speaks them out of love but he also speaks them in trust realized.

So I am adjusting. I am wrapping my thoughts around the textual me in physical and metaphysical spaces. The idea of who I am is bound up in text, and so it is here that I am adjusting to the personal space of I to the united space of us. Amen.

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