It happens every week, and the entire experience I equate to sitting on the edge of my seat and waiting. Of course, I have no idea what I am waiting for, but it happens every week. It's a repeated cycle of - there's a connection with this particular guy and I wait for something else to happen, anticipation begins to germinate but as the week progresses, silence and I let go of that anticipation and give over all thoughts, hopes, and excitement into my Beloved's hands. It's the only way I keep sane, but also grow at the same time. I don't give up, that I learned a few months ago, but I have learned I am being torn (but He will heal), I am being stricken (but He will bind me up) [Hosea 6:1]. The only thing I can compare it to is the crushing of a rose so that the fullest of its fragrance is expelled to its surroundings. But I praise Him, because I am not my own, and my time is not mine, and my will and act is not mine to direct - for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose (Philippians 2:13). You have no idea how much comfort I take in those Words to me for I know what He says will be accomplished because - the Words that go out of His mouth will not return to HIm empty, but will accomplish what He desires and achieves the purpose from which He sends it (Isaiah 55:11). I am His daughter, His Treasure, His Precious One - truly I am in the Best Hands. Amen.