In self reflective mode right now. This month has been intense. INTENSE! Not in a bad way, but a good way. Intense in such a way that I feel no pressure or any tension. So maybe the word "intense" is not the appropriate word.

So perhaps the word I am looking for is "extraordinary". This month has been extraordinary. One remarkable moment took place - I fell in love. Although there is definitely emotions involved, and goodness, some hormones, it is also an intellectual experience, and somehow there is assurance in knowing it's not entirely a heady experience, but a head experience as well.

I haven't gotten into my head for quite sometime. I haven't had time to reflect on what this means to me. I've adjusted to the aspect of "us" and that is a wonderful adventure daily unfolding, but to me, what does all of this mean to me? As a woman whose been looking for so long, and finally let go, and than immediately placed with such an amazing love, what does this mean to me? Several words come to mind, but one word sticks out: readjustment. It's not a bad word. It's a realistic word. I adjust my time because I want to catch his smiles and his laughter when I can. I adjust my daily plan and my down the road plans, because he is a part of my present as well as my future. I adjust time with family and friends, so that he is included in that time and space framework. Of course this isn't a single foot path. We're both walking this two lane passage. He is adjusting on his end as well.

So, as we meld together, we are also beginning to realize the needed healthiness of adjusting our own personal alone time as well. As I come away from us to dig my personal roots into the soil of Him and I, what am I taking from the "us" factor into His presence?

I am inspirational. I am loved. I am loving. I am beautiful. I am treasured. I am glorious. I am sensual. I am wanted. I am desired. I am explored. I am laughter. Many other words are in mind, but what I want to bring to the forefront of my thoughts is these are truths I've known of myself. These words were told to me whenever I came into my Creator's presence. The difference is that these words about me became even more real when spoken aloud to me. I've said this else where, but there is power is spoken words. I accepted these words as truth, because I trust the person who speaks them. He speaks them out of love but he also speaks them in trust realized.

So I am adjusting. I am wrapping my thoughts around the textual me in physical and metaphysical spaces. The idea of who I am is bound up in text, and so it is here that I am adjusting to the personal space of I to the united space of us. Amen.

I stood outside in the cooling breeze and felt the coolness of the drenched earth. I looked up. I saw the luminous moon and I thought of you, and knew that soon, we'd be together under that same lusciously full moon in a few days. Amen. 

Hearing his voice each day and seeing his face every night, just does not cut it! I am missing out in some serious in person snuggle&cuddle time! I see him in 3 1/2 days, and yet time seems to be inching along - inching! Nonetheless, I am very thankful I get to see him in a little over 3 days. Amen!

I know we're both grown adults, but that sense of child-like adventure, the excitement in sharing something new or something shiny, that need to walk a beach and build a series of sand castles, or skip rocks together, is an urge that pervades my thoughts. That desire to explore trails, or climb over boulders, sit down and build something with legos, is something I am so excited about doing with you! But it makes sense, we're His children after all, and I am thrilled beyond horizons to being a kid with you. Amen. 

I love you because you are who you are - a gentlemen at heart, a doer of the thoughts running through your head, a perpetual student, a laughing soul, a metaphysical finder, a true romancer, a wooer of me, a Christ-centered manly man - and even though you are not here, your essence is, and it pervades ever neurone of me, continually spiralling out into the vastness of us - you, me and He. Amen. 

I was never lacking but I was introduced to the other half of my soul, and he is delightfully exquisite. I never thought in my entire life I could connect to someone so intimately, and in the beauty of knowing him there is a sense of freedom. There is no stress, no guilt, no shame in exploring each other mentally, physically, socially and spiritually. We revel in our merging path that we once walked separately but ironically paralleled. Our interacting existence is an act of worship to our heavenly Father, a motion of continuous praise and in the wake of this concerto, humbleness realized. I cannot hide who he is to me, and daily I speak of him in short or extended speech. His thoughts towards me daily remind me of my heavenly Father's own thoughts towards me. Because my God has treasured me, I recognize when he treasures me. The other half of my soul is altogether beautiful to me. Amen.

I've never experienced this sensation of longing - where the entirety of me, my very spirit longs to reach out and be entirely enveloped by another - another's spirit who longs after the entirety of me. It's like the core of me is shifting, trying to move, trying reach up and step out of my bones. I long for him. There is this longing to know, to know in completeness. This, of course, causes me to pause and reflect on the aspect of longing found in my Creator. The only thing I can relate to in context to this aspect of longing is, well, "yada" - to know in Hebrew. To "know" as the Son knows the Father, and/or as a man knows a woman - a level of intimacy only comparable by the relationship shared by the Trinity. 

That I can feel longing after such a long absence of any emotional feeling, is quite a beautiful revelation. What will this longing change and transform into?