Christ feels as I feel. In my happiness or sadness, He feels as I feel. In my disappointment and pain, He feels as I feel.

And I am called to hope. I am called to hope in the day when I will see Him and walk with Him and discuss with Him (even though He knows) every tear and smile that led me to Him.

I am called to hope, because of Him. And I hope, knowing I may be disappointed. I hope because I am willing to accept that pain; knowing I wasn't created for it but because of sin I have to live through it.

Now that I know, I am willing to hope in friendships and relationships that may stay or go another way. I am willing to hope, because He hoped in His pursuit of the people around Him, that they would turn and follow Him; turn, listen and believe; turn and fall in-love with Love. And He was scarred with disappointment, but He still hoped, pursued and loved them.

So I hope, knowing that I hope with Him, knowing He will fulfill this hope.

I am called to be obedient not only because He knows what is best but also because it creates a consistency that allows the relationship to grow, strengthen and prosper. Every "traditional" word that I grew up with is important but I want to resist because of the connotation the word use to bring. However, it is about reflecting on those words and truly studying them in the light of my own relationship with God along with references to the Bible. Intriguing...

a sacred intimacy

I spoke out
in the waking
hours as I tread
the path we
journey together

Cried from the recesses
of a troubled soul
not knowing how
or when but knowing
You will deliver

Profound thought:  I cannot love unless I let Him love me.

There are certain emotions I haven't felt in a long time. So long that when they appeared, I was surprised, taken aback, and thought, "I can still feel this way?" These feelings were a portal to my younger self, in the days when I thought those particular emotions were how I based my view on a slice of my world. Emotions, that took me by surprise and have got me thinking about how much I've grown in my walk with Him who has my heart.

But it was refreshing - it was like standing at a place near the open ocean, watching the sun slowly fall, and seconds later, watch it sink into the horizon while your breath is taken away by the magnificent array of colors blazing out before your eyes, all a while set within the frame of a passing breeze, the soft sound of water shifting against shore with the feeling of the sand against your skin - that's what it felt like.

And I embrace this entire emotional experience at this moment, in this time, and thank God that I remember that I can still feel this way and leave it at that. Something far Greater captivates me, and it will not last a moment, but an eternity.

I'm going a little wonkers at the moment. I have two upcoming projects due and getting them started and finished is similar to running a race barefoot with no water available. So, to inspire myself I've created a wish list for this summer, here it is!

• read the entire Terry Pratchett Collection
• read books, comics, and graphic novels
• start and complete some short stories
• volunteer at the public library
• finish my paintings
• study anatomy to improve my drawings
• get involved in community/church activities
• take a walk every day
• clean out my closet
• set up some cleaning projects

Yes, I like cleaning. I don't know what it is but it cleans my soul. 

Most call it Valentines Day, and some are beginning to call it Singles' Awareness Day but I call it God Love's You Day. We are so caught up in the self around this time of year. This day has become the alter unto self, and since love, the foundation of God's self, has been contorted and twisted so terribly, this day could be seen as a sacrilege. So, I chose this day to recommit, re-form, and to remember my relationship with the most wonderful Person during this time. I celebrate the day because He first loved me and today I honour that love.

This year's vow to strengthen my relationship with God:

• get out of my comfort zone
• to recognize any threat that will obscure my relationship with God and to remove, while asking Him for strength to do so
• to evaluate each day my time spent with God
• to realize and strengthen the aspects that show and tell the testimony of His love for me (that my life is a testimony and how does God work His love through me?)