If I am to love my future spouse through Christ, how can I even contemplate a matter when I myself have not given Him the entirety of me, all heart, mind and soul? I need to spend more time in His Word and flesh out Christ into my everyday existent. I need to furrow the soul of my heart with this Sword so that He may sow within a Garden.

I am beginning to notice how and what people believe of my heavenly Father. I am seeing a trend of "what you know" rather than "who you know." What is known is flaunted, is paradaded about, hung out like business signs, neon lighted, brushed in bold letters on various signage. But Who is known resonates as a deep gushing cold fountain with in the depths of the soul that one drinks of and says "ah" and is refreshed.  We allow the Living Waters to flow out within, so that no words are said, but movement is seen. In John, when Jesus spoke to the woman at the well, He spoke to her of living water, water that moved. That Living Water, Him, when within us, causes us to move, and to move in currents dictated by Him. Hence, I don't need to say anything about who I Know. In silence, I will allow Him to move me.

I praise my Father for contineously and unendingly peeling back the layers that cover these eyes. Each day, I learn new truths that bring me closer into His presence, and dearer becomes His embrace. He is my parent, former of my being, and I am eternally thankful for this heritage.

The closer I come into His presence the greater my understanding of His love for me, the greater His grace becomes to me, the greater His faithfulness is shown to me. Yet, the closer I come to Him the more aware I am of my sinful state, of the fight within, the moments when it raises it's grotesque head and I am left aware of my filthiness. And in this state while in His presence, I see the cutting brilliance of Christ's blood around me, swathing a path through my iniquity. So, with my uttermost being, I Will Praise Him!

I realized that I am the only single individual at work. As I began to briefly ponder on my singleness, and that longing started to emerge, the Spirit immediately spoke the Father's words to me.

 

He said, "I am taking out of you that base desire to be with your other, that self-centered desire that cries out, "me! me! me!" that desire that only looks for self-gratification that instantly satisifies but never ratifies that inner-hunger. You don't truly want him, you want to plug-up that inner hole in your heart that allows drafts to come through and chill you to the bone.

 

By coming to Me, I am replacing that self-gratification with otherness, the ability to deny self, to pick up that cross and follow Me! I am replacing it with the desire to praise Me. When you allow Me in, I slowly disolve this carnal-self through loving you, caring for you, walking, talking, and sharing with you. I become your world, your everything. Than I will give him to you, because you will not look to each other, you will look to Me. Together, you will praise Me!

The closer I come to Jesus, the more stark and contrasting the world appears. It is beginning to turn to grays, but the more I am with Him, take council in His word, fellowship with His disciples, pull away from the distractions of this life, it blackens. This life is tremendously grotesque. The only beauty I can truly see of Him is His unmeasureable Nature, companions professing His love, and the unfolding beauty of my own relationship with Him. These are three beautiful consistencies I see in this life.

a thought if you will.

I call them temporary fixings. It's what catches our eyes, we must have and so we get and sometime later we get bored and discard.

But with Him, He is eternity. It takes us forever to notice Him, off again on again we entertain Him, but sometime later we become unexplainably attached to Him and from there something incomprehensible happens within our souls that we must have Him indefinitely.