What's really important

At its root, Christianity is about two things - Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. Loving God with all the heart is a matter of daily refreshing the love supply so we can love our neighbors more accurately. As in the words of Jesus, on these two commands hangs the law and the prophets (Matthew 22:40). Now, the process of following those two commands is where matters get complicated. It's complicated because, at heart, ourselves are messy beings. At our root, we're forgetful, we're selfish and most times we don't like to admit either faults. Humility is a key factor in laying aside our messiness, and humility is a habit that has to be learned like all other good habits. So, in observing the two commands, we need to be mindful in acting them out.

I speak about this initially, because I have to constantly remind myself, that Christianity, at the heart of it, is a relationship with Christ. It's about being Christ-like. It's about reflecting His Character in our lives. We're bottom dwellers trying to shine out of our little stone lantern hearts, the Sun of the universe, and sometimes life, ourselves, the world around us, tries to get in the way of that action.

As I've plugged more so into social media (due to personal projects...writing and drawing pages), I am coming across so many variations of what Christianity is within and without the circle. But the information that causes me to question my Christ-likeness is when close friends post articles that cause me to pause (articles in question, here and here). Much of what I am reading is based on the corporate worship experience or doctrine. My disagreement with everything I've come across online so far has been based on my own personal Christ-walk.

I realize everyone is on their own Christ-journey, and my part in the matter is about listening to their story and if the opportunity arises, I will share my own. But I am realizing I've been listening to a lot of people's stories, and it's been a while since I've taken account of my roots and where I am going personally with Him. It's good to get back to the basics, what's really important.

Journeys are meant to change you

I reflect on my prayer journey today in light of having read What is Prayer Suppose to Accomplish. It identifies and reviews the current and past corporate Christian view of prayer.

I grew up having a regular devotional life, but struggled with my prayer journey. Prayer was methodical. I had been taught to pray a certain way, and I struggled with how disconnected my prayers were. Around my early 30s these two switched. I learned how to pray, learned what prayer meant, and saw enough evidence in my own life that I could not walk away from prayer, even if I could try.

I had experienced an exceptionally profound prayer moment that took a year and a half to happen. That prayer was more than an answer to a question I had been asking of God, but it was also a major revelation as to my communication lines to Him. After that time, I've had smaller but just as profound prayer moments; moments rooted in the reality of my life, prayer that was practical. Often it was and is a mashup of purposeful prayer and sometimes a heart's cry for help. 

A few things I learned about prayer are: it is a line of communication, it is intimate, and it involves a Higher Someone. Prayer isn't just based on my own voice and thoughts, but prayer is also based on His Voice and His Thoughts. I think people struggle with prayer in the Christian world because they aren't shown the voice of God through the Word. I learned the importance of finding God/Jesus' voice in scripture and allow these Thoughts to guide and direct my prayer time.
 
Sometimes the prayer was in the form of journaling, or in the form of a out-loud conversation, but the prayer made me stop and reflect on Someone else other than myself. As I look at mainstream society, I also recognize that prayer is a form of meditation. It causes an individual to be meta-cognitive of their thought processes. Prayer is a way of stepping out of one's own thought process' and reflecting inward and outward. Having a purpose to that reflection (in my case, God/Jesus), makes prayer not only meditative, but also relational.

I struggled with praying, but I knew there was more to it than what I was experience, and I constantly sought a better way of understanding prayer. Much of this seeking comes from Luke 11:9 - So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. One thing I know of in this walk with Christ, if there is constant seeking and a willingness to see where He leads, answers will be had, but mostly it's about the journey.

In the last three years, I've learned about the importance of being earnest - earnest about my relationships, my hobbies, my spirituality and my health. All of these areas of have gone through some form of evolution, though at times, I feel, a devolution.

I struggle with myself in regard to these areas. I kept berating myself over my inaction. Yet, at the same time, I spent a lot of time on professional development and cultivating and maintaining the long distance relationship with my bf. And as I write this, it now makes sense. Here I was bemoaning the slow death of my poetry, my writing, my art, my spiritual life and I just realized, I was focused on other areas of development.

So where does this leave me now?

After a four years absence from the art scene, I finally dove back in with a little push and motivation from a friend. I completed some drawings, sold a few pieces and took on some commissions. I made a commitment to do some art professional development (attended an art workshop in Calgary in September) to keep me regularly inspired and to meet other fellow artists in person.

At first, I thought I wanted to pursue art as a career. I researched the possibility of going back to school, I looked at the cost, and after attending the art workshop and talking to other artists, I realized I just need to stay the course. I don't need a degree, I just need to take advantage of the internet to learn. So I've follow a few art facebook pages and keep updated and active through these outlets.

As for writing, I made a goal to do a NaNoWriMo (National November Writing Month) and have been intensely focusing on research and familiarization of the writing process. Also, I am pushing myself to come back to this space to explore my spiritual explorations.

So why the drive, the push to come back to these creative areas? At the end of the day, it's not just about my personal development, but it's also a thought of the legacy I will present to my children. What kind of well-roundedness will they see as they get older?

So, here I am. Where will I go? What will I see with this return.

Listen to Me, you idiot

idiot |ˈidēət| 
noun informal
   a stupid person.
    Yes, we are all idiots. We are daft, ignorant and quite self-centered and not much knowledge comes out of self-centeredness. The word idiot comes from the Old French via Latin idiota 'ignorant person'. We are particularly idiotic when we refuse to listen to sound advice from others. There are two types of idiots in Isaiah 51, those who realize they are idiots (Listen to Me, you who follow after righteousness, You who seek the LORD 1) and those who refuse to recognize their idioticiness (Listen to Me, My people and give ear to Me, O My nation 4). The word idiot is not a pleasant label and definitely negative, but that's what I feel at times about myself, and at times about people when it comes to knowing Jesus/God. Yet, Jesus doesn't call us idiots, instead He calls us a much nicer word - children, and treats us thus - quietly, tenderly, lovingly, and sometimes sternly. 
    But I will admit I am an idiot at times, because it wakes me up to dysfunctional self and makes me realize I need a saviour. 
    

Taking comfort for granted

I think my biggest challenge is taking comfort for granted. I become complacent in my comfort, and I wonder if that is the same as the comfort Jesus promises in Isaiah 51:12, I, even I, am He who comforts you. But I understand there are times I am definitely not comfortable, and this particular verse is definitely for those days because it continues with

Who are you that you should be afraid of a man who will die and of the son of man who will be made like grass? (13) And you forget the LORD your Maker, Who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth; You have feared continually every day because of the fury of the oppressor, when he has prepared to destroy. And where is the fury of the oppressor? 

What we choose to believe will be what holds us captive. If I daily reflect on my woeful state, my "oppressors", yes, of course, the awesome all consuming powerfulness of Jesus begins to dim, diminish and fade away. The key is positive reflection aka known as praise. So, today I praise Him who divided the sea whose waves roared - the LORD of hosts is His name. He has put His words in my mouth; He has covered me with the Shadow of His hand, that He may plant the heavens, lay the foundations of the earth and say to me, You are my person (15-16). Amen

The quote for this week (see side bar) is of particular importance. After tonight's long discussion with close friends on the state of the world, state of our society, and state of our morals, I was hit over the head with the hard realization of the utter despair of our general state. The funny thing about despair is that, as a Christ-follower, it doesn't hold a lot of weight. Many people make the motion of looking at the world and despair, look at themselves and get depressed and simply leave it at that. However, for those who know Jesus and have an inkling of what He's capable of, there's rest in that (again, see sidebar). 

It's all about muscles. Or in another illustration, it's all about habits. Whatever the case, it's pathways. No, no...it's about consistency. Yes, it's about consistency. It's all about going from theorizing, talking about, writing about to just plain doing. I finally got fed up about my physicality and hired a trainer. Yes, I am now eating cleaner and pushing this body through the hurdles. Since beginning the self campaign of being healthier, it's been an off and on journey (courtesy of two weeks of travelling). My trainer stressed consistency. Um, yes, I definitely need to do that, so I purposed in my heart that I couldn't just do 3 days a week in the gym, I would to do 6 (I am on day 4) since if I am going to make it a habit of exercising, I need to make a serious habit. I am starting to see my endurance increase, and to see those muscles defining...

...and it was the muscles part that got me this morning as I was reading Isaiah 40. God saying For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you". Ah, okay, well Jesus, I definitely need help with my spiritual muscles. Right, I need to spend more time expanding those muscles. And of course, this made more sense to me in this current frame of physicality.

So, I need to schedule more time in lifting my mental muscles in reading and studying the WORD. Makes sense, even more so in light of what I am doing in the physical realm.