An answered prayer

I am putting this out there because I want to remember - I need to remember moments when God answers. Thursday was that day. My boss comes to me wanting a rather complicated task completed by the end of the day - a task very much out of my range of capabilities. I had a panicked moment, and remember praying, "God, I can't do this task, it is beyond my understanding, I need You to do this for me." I went to another coworker that I figured would be able to explain the break down of the task to me since it was in his area of work. After going through the task with me, he turns to me and says, "Hey, just email me everything we went over, I'll get it whipped up in half an hour."

My heart skipped for joy!

It didn't take half an hour, more so 3 hours but at the end of the day, I was able to submit the task to her and she was pretty happy with it.

Thank You, Jesus for providing an answer to a desperate prayer. Amen!

Where I want to go

For the last year and a half, I've been drifting. I've had to do a lot of reevaluating of where I want to go in life and what goals need to be laid down for that to happen. I've had to remix my body, mind and spirit perspectives, most of which had in the past been influenced by my environment. Being completely disconnected from that enviro has caused major shifts on what I want in life - some of the wants are incredibly old just newly realized, and other wants are entirely new. Here's the list -

Being a minimalist - I want to live simply, deeply connected not with the material world, but connected to my surroundings and the people in it. It's also a matter of being a good steward of the earth - and this is a want that I've been struggling with because old habits are a bitch to kill. The spending beast is a strange bedfellow. 

Being a naturalist - I want to live out in nature and base my creative spirit out of that source. This is a very old want newly realized. I had the privilege of growing up out in nature and grow nostalgic about it on a regular basis, always pining after the pines. I want this more than anything now and moving back into that space is now a life vision. 

Being an artist - I want to bleed creatively on a daily basis - but believe or not, it takes time to be habitual about it. Getting into this space has been a journey peppered with people who've constantly pushed me to realize this place within myself. I've come to accept that this is where I am going and I am learning to love being here all over again but with some positive habit building. 

Being health focused - I want to love being active and eating good food but I struggle because I am naturally a sugar addict. This has been the most realized want of this year. Being in an entirely new enviro has helped me to finally get part way to being active and eating good food. I want to embrace the healthy more readily. 

Being a spiritual witness - I want to live out my experience with God/Jesus/Spirit in the conversations I have with the people I meet. The greatest need in my want is creating a consistent habit of daily Communing with Him and celebrating/reflecting on that process regularly. I am still on the search for soulful people to connect and pray with. 

Each goal ties intricately in each other. It's a matter of making the choice each day to realize each goal by figuring out the processes, the individual steps needed.   

Working through Discomfort

Comfort zones are the foe to my growth experience. This whole year has been about pushing me out of my comfort zone. When I was younger I would constantly remind myself to embrace being outside the comfort zone. I am getting back to that mentality. I am pursuing discomfort - because through discomfort there is a guarantee of growth. And thanksgiving - have to throw that in as well.

I feel like a tree - that all of this is seasonal - like my life is going through cycles of realization. I think initially, I get frustrated with myself but I move beyond that to understand this is how I function - it's how we all tick. As long as I am self-aware, keep reflecting on my inner workings I will keep going forward, be it in a cyclical motion. 

Where the journey is at

I am going through a process of re-purposing my corporate worship experience. Having attended the same congregation for 18 years, I never really had a following out over any disagreement. There was a maintained status quo all those years. During those years of attendance, I did participate in children, worship, and website divisions and appreciated the growth and understanding of my involvement. These areas weren't necessarily my passion, and so a lot of times as the commitment period ended, I would continue onto a new division/section. A lot of times, I got involved because someone asked and the Spirit moved me. However, having married and moved away, I am finding it incredibly difficult to commit to a church because, now as an adult, I am having to start from scratch and it has been difficult.

I think we were divinely led to our apartment. We moved in only to discover a church right beside us. I needed a social group and found out they had a choir. Initially, I started participating at the church next door because of singing. Yet, at some point I was thinking of quitting. When I focused on the service experience - not just being there and singing, I wanted to stay.

And that's where I am at currently. 

A desperate need

I desperately needed Psalms 34 today before I even realized I needed it. Jesus is kind of wonderful that way. People talk about filling up on God before hitting the work day and any troubles that might accrue along the way. Yet for me, sometimes I need to read His words after the trouble hits. It's phenomenally affirming to know Jesus has my back way before I begin the mental process of dealing. So here are the recognizable highlights of 34:

• 1 I will extol the LORD at all times; Hi praise will always be on my lips. 2 My soul will boast of the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together; 
• 4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look at him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor [woman] called, and the LORD heard [her]; he saved [her] out of all [her] troubles.
• 7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. 
• 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 
• 9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 
• 11 Come my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desire to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. 14 Turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it. 
• 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
• 18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 
• 19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. 

This psalms is packed with so much goodness, so much hope, so much strength. I have been refreshed. Amen. 

Not going to worry

There is a part of Psalms 33 that I really take to heart -

16 No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. 17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. 18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. 

20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his hold name. 22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you. 

There is a general scare going on with the main public here in the States due to the outcome of the election. I would even say in Canada people are going hysterical. I don't blame any of them for doing so, I am also unhappy with the current situation. Everybody has different places on where they put their faith and belief be it an entity, an organization or a system. What the psalmist speaks about, this is what I believe, and it is not blind. I have seen enough evidence in my life and the lives of others to know He does move, and sometimes in mysterious ways. At the end of the day, He will speak and He will answer. 

Also, aware of humanity's history and where it is going, I know this stuff will happen, but I choose to focus on hope and not hopelessness. As the Apostle Paul once wrote - Faith is hope in the things unseen. I don't know about this statement that is floating around that God is in control (I've seen it a lot on social media), and I really feel that it is a catch all phrase to define everything by people who are panicking. To me it doesn't make sense, God has given us free will and the consequences that come with those choices, so I find the statement a bit contradictory. As to the end, in context to Christian belief, yes, He would definitely be in control of that. 

This post is really a personal response to myself and all the articles and posts I've been seeing on social media from close friends, acquaintances, colleagues and people I follow. I've been so annoyed with everyone that I've just been unfollowing posts or people. I'm even getting to the place where I limit my exposure to social media. This fear mongering does nothing for me, so why expose myself? Hope is what we need, and that's what I am going to focus on. Amen.  

Processing forgivness

I opened up to Psalms 32 this morning and was just amazed at David's specific approach, discovery, review of the process of being forgiven. A lot of times when looking at the process of forgiveness, it is often approached from the view point of the person forgiving. So it was rather surprising to see David's words I will confess my transgressions to the LORD - and you forgave the guilt of my sin (:5). A lot of times, when the offender is asking for forgiveness, the residue of guilt is left behind. I feel like David is addressing the aspect of guilt; that God also has claim on this feeling in the package of forgiveness. To not give the guilt over to God is kind of akin to holding onto the sin. The holding on hampers with the healing and growth process that a person would go through afterwards.

Anyways, ever so often I come across a Psalms that really grabs my attention. I will be reflecting on this chapter for a few days. Amen.

A fire under my tooshie

A close friend just landed a job interview after submitting countless resumes. In preparation for the presentation, she has asked me for help prepping. To get a better understanding of her assignment, she gave me material to read over, including the application she used to submit. After reading about her experience/expertise, I am just blown away.

I know I shouldn't compare, but what in the world have I been doing with my life?! We've had the same years of work in similar workplaces, and yet, she's gotten involved in much much more. Kudos to her for what she's accomplished.

Time to get to work.

Minimalism on the mind

I have a thing for minimalist articles. Reading them always inspires me and nips the desire to buy right in the bud. Reading about other people's experiences is a constant reminder of where my priorities are and refocuses me to keep on track. Anyways, this was a good read, Minimalism. 

the unexpected journey

who, then, is the woman that fears the LORD? He will instruct her in the way chosen for her - ps 25:12

A lot has happened since the last post. I received my work permit, I've become immersed in knitting, and somehow I've fallen into eating clean and exercising everyday. A new season has been laid out for me, my way is definitely being instructed. I am taking each day as is - doing what I need to do to clean the body, mind and spirit. Initially, the difficult part was applying for jobs. I was looking at full time positions, but I am just sticking to the local government websites and just applying when positions come up since both places are within walking distances of where I live. I am also applying to part time positions because I realize that I am fine with only working part time.

In all this, I am waiting, but I am now at peace with that waiting, because really, I am working on myself in the meantime. 

at the end of the day

i will praise the lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me - ps 16:7

At the end of the day, if you've been plugged into the world happenings, the night holds a disconcerting hold on the soul. As I prep for bed, I'm troubled by what I've seen and what I've read. It's more than troubling, it is disturbing. Violence, injustice, ignorance and just about every negative thing under the sun. But what I find particularly annoying is the distinct thread of voices who see the despair and simply say, "Lord Jesus, come." I am uncomfortable with that phrase.

But why is that? First, to quote a saint of the land, "nothing is new under the sun." As you delve into history, humanity has danced this grotesque dance since it partook of a fruit. Every generation has called upon God in light of this. Second, I believe we are here in eternity. How we live now dictates the course of our path. It's not a perfect living, but it is a constant striving towards understanding the mystery of the gospel in this time and space.

Fourthly, the phrase can sometime imply a level of disconnect from the people in these horrendous situations. I think it also implies a level of helplessness. We feel helpless to help and/or ill at ease to interact with traumatized people. In retrospect, I could disconnect from all this information. I can avoid social media, unfollow people (and I do sometimes). The reason I don't leave is because I need to understand what I behold in my lifetime. I need to understand the disparity but also see the hope. The world is trying to make a better place. They're struggling with equality for all people and somewhere in the juggling there is Father, Son & Spirit.

Just some thoughts. Amen. 

leaning in another direction

I've been enriched knowing a particular individual who has challenged and prodded my thinking about equality for women in and outside the Church. The more I've delved into the topic and have become informed, the more I begin to see how lacking there is female equality in the Church. Lack of equality from ordination for women to the sexuality of women. A lot of this reaction is based on this particular podcast.

Years ago, I would have agreed with this woman's view. But this whole drive for purity is a by-product of a relationship with God. If individuals in the church were more concerned with getting the message out and looking at each person as a possible vessal regardless of the task, they wouldn't be looking at the sex, age, race of the person. If we search for equality between men and women, sex wouldn't be an issue, respect wouldn't be an issue, love wouldn't be an issue. After listening to this podcast, I've come to realize my view has changed. Thank God.

Amen.

Reading tips

I've been reading the Bible since I was a child, and through the years my approaches have varied due to where my walk with Christ was. Only in the last 5 years, after listening to sermons, reading spiritually directed books have I come up with a method of reading my Bible. Apparently, I am not the only individual who has discovered these tips. Blogger of Journey of the Word has created a Do's and Don'ts of Bible Study. The Spirit was definitely talking to us both. Amen.

misrepresentation

Many people unknowingly walk with God. They seek and recognize goodness, search after honesty and look to help their neighbour. They are disgusted with the vile man's ways and understand the importance of stewardship. These are the one's who have rejected Christianity because others have misrepresented. This part of Christianity speaks louder than their actions. Their message is rejected and the many people walk away from them.

This is my take on David's Psalms 15 and the people I know. There's also another category of people I am friends with - unchurched believers. They believe in God but aren't concerned with going to Church. They seek to live the good life and believe in prayer. I've been blessed to know some of these people intimately. They have shared their life with me and I have been blessed by that experience.

And currently that is what I seek as I live out this life in the here and now. I pray to be connected with people from this community whether they be Christian or not, but to find a people who I can connect with on a mental and spiritual level.

Amen. 

Sometimes you drive me nuts

I have a few favourite books of the Word. They are books I can't help but come back to repeatedly, and certain chapters have always pulled me back. Book of Isaiah and the book of John have always been favourites. Isaiah for the full revelation of the human nature and nature of Christ and the poetic imagery of that message and the book of John because of how personable he reveals Christ. 

As I read David and his condemnation of the wicked person and how he cannot come into the presence of God and there is no hope for him, I remembered Isaiah 55: 6-7:

Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. 

David speaks of his own experience, he an individual person against many. Isaiah speaks of Israel's experience, and he speaks for a multitude. When I read David, I feel like I looking into the thoughts of someone born and raised in the Church - they are in their younger years and their spiritual and life experience is a bit straightforward, no areas of grey. Reading Isaiah is like looking into the thoughts of an older Christian who has left behind the idealistic youthful years and struggles with God on a regular basis and questions the entire Christian walk. They know God exists but they struggle with their view of the world around them and the view of God and consolidating that information into their identity. 

I guess this is my way of coping with reading Psalms. There are times it drives me dithers just because I can't entirely embrace what I am reading - I heavily question David's voice. Questioning his absolute statements with other part of the Bible is what's keeping me sane in reading through the early parts of Psalms. 

Amen. 

a view of black and white

I struggle with reading David on some days. He can be so definitive at times - meaning people are either good or evil. There is no grey area. Psalms 14 is just that - definitive. He states - the fools says in his heart, "there is no god" but what of the person who does say there is a God, but acts like there isn't one. Okay. I see it now. The heart is a private matter and what comes from the tongue, another matter. There are people in this world who claim there is a God, however, the heart will eventually be played out in their actions. I guess that's the confusing part. Christianity is a mumble jumble mess (just like other religions), and out of that mess comes a people of diversity - people who know Christ, struggle with Christ, and are very real about their weakness. On the flip side, there comes a people who claim to be Christ followers, put Christ on a pedestal, speak about Christ, but don't take allowances for their weakness.

I guess at the end of the day, David is speaking on a very basic idea regardless of whether a person is a Jew, a Christian or a Muslim - if there is not God in the heart - they are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good. Anyone can seek and claim God, but their actions will inevitably find them out.

Amen. 

He's not here right now, leave a message

He was going through pain, he was going through loneliness, he was going through a withdrawal of a spiritual connection (my interpretation). He didn't feel that God was right there, and he was leaving behind a message - will you forget me forever? how long will you hide your face from me? how long must i wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? how long will my enemy triumph over me? 

There are a few of these messages in Psalms. David constantly calling and it going straight to voice messaging. He kept calling and kept getting that voice machine, wishing God would pick up on the other side - look on me and answer, or lord my god. give light to my eyes, or i will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "i have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when i fall."

But David somehow knew that God wasn't ignoring him, He just wasn't available to pick up (again, creative licenses, here folks!) because David ends the message with - but i trust in your unfailing love; my hear rejoices in your salvation. i will sing to the lord for he has been good to me. Because of the history of their relationship, David knew God would come through for him. David at times didn't understand his emotions or the general situation that was happening around him or to him, but he knew without a doubt, God would inevitably show up and say or do something.

I get it, because I am finding myself in the same position, especially in these last few months. Of course there are other passages, where I am like, dude, what were you thinking?? Anyways food for thought. 

Biblical David & the Facebook commenter

I was just reading over Psalms 12 and was completely struck with the imagery David painted with regard to talkers/flatters. Of course, the word "talker" can refer to a wide range, but David paints a very specific picture -

help lord, for the godly man ceases! for the faithful disappear from among the sons of men. They speak idly everyone with his neighbour; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.

The rest of the chapter goes onto explore God's relation to these talkers and how oppression of the poor is a result of these talkers (...I think). I read this and was immediately struck with the parallel to the modern day Facebook commenter. Facebook comes to mind firstly, because that's where I see most of this, but elsewhere on social media sites, the culture of commenting has become a savage sport of sorts.

David specifically looked at people who were two faced - individuals who weren't honest, who were insincere, aka butt kissers/nosey neighbours. On the social media circles people are perhaps more honest, brutally honest about what they think, even to the point of cruelty. Whether they are vicious with their mouths or flatters, I find David's solution to these people also striking -

may the lord cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaks proud things, who have said, with our tongue we will prevail; our lips are our own; who is lord over us?

I wonder how David would fare in the internet world. What words would he pen for this group of people - people who have the ability to be anonymous but their words unkindness?

I believe he would respond the same way.

following Him

This is another post about my contemplations of mainstream Christianity. This particular contemplation is a reflection on someone's conversion experience. In all my readings of people turning to Jesus this has got to be the most vague conversion story I've ever read/heard. Okay, maybe vague isn't the right word. Everything revolving around the coming to Jesus bit is based on stories of other people's experience with Christ, or literature of other people coming to Christ. No mention about the Bible or even a glimpse. Maybe I am just used to the Seventh-day Adventist conversion story - much of which is hardcore doctrine/bible study based.

Of course, all of this causes me to reflect on my own self. Firstly, I consider myself a Christian. Secondly, I consider myself a cultural Adventist. There's a lot of things that I observe because it's part of the culture I grew up in. Yet, at the same time, when I meet new people what am I wanting to represent firstly? Christianity or adventism? Anyways, my thoughts...

stranded

help, lord, for the godly man ceases! for the faithful disappear from among the sons of men. - ps 12:1

There are different scenarios as to why the godly person ceases. If this was from David's younger years, he moved a lot, and he moved around a lot with the same set of men/people in and out of his nation and surrounding nations. He probably didn't a chance to meet many godly people while on the run. I get the impression that his moving around played a significant factor in his ability to connect with other godly/faithful people.

I get this impression because this is also where I am at. Having moved to a new country and a new city, I definitely feel like crying out myself - where are the godly/faithful people? But I know the factors stacked against me - can't work, don't have a vehicle to get around, new church scenario where the specific youth/adult groups are a tightly knit group and English seems to be the minority language of the group (making it more difficult to connect), dissatisfaction with current denominational association, no friends/acquaintances to connect with on a regular basis, limited volunteering opportunities (due to immigration process), and I am sure the list could go on.

But as one close friend from home put it, I am growing. It's a painful growth, but I am going to play the thankful card, a lot. I am definitely being pushed out of my 5 years comfort zone and that's a good thing.