Am I going insane? Have I gone crazy? Nutso? A few bricks full of a load? One fry short of a happy meal? Certain thoughts that shouldn't be there are there, and I HATE IT! Jesus, take a hold of me. Calm my spirit. Amen. 

A great commotion has been stirring about within the last 24 hours. Emotions are surging up from somewhere and are travelling about my being. I've been mentally check listing all the possibilities and the only thing I am aware of is PMS. I did a bit of digging around. According to one website, PMS use to mean pre-menstrual syndrome, but many women are now complaining of PMS during or after their cycle. The attributes of "terrible crying or laughing" sounds oh so familiar, and mention of depression is ringing a bell as well. The website goes on to mention that outside factors such as not exercising, drinking coffee for example, can influence the heaviness of each bout of PMS. 

The last 24 hours has been a mess of crying, laughing, a questioning of my sanity, a creeping doubt of my self worth, and looking at my boyfriend in particularly strange paradigms outside of my normal thinking. I don't know whether to thank God that it IS Post Menstrual Syndrome or not. Whatever the case, I am just glad that there is some clarity. Amen. 

What happens when I daily acknowledge His presence? By beholding, I become. By acknowledging Your presence, Jesus, I recognize that You've taken away my judgements and cast out my enemy (Zephaniah 3:15). By simply acknowledging that You are here, I see that my sins are gone, and my enemy is gone, and all of this possible because You show up. Your presence repels. I don't have to ask for strength, I just need to seek Your presence. It now makes complete sense why it says, Seek the LORD and His strength, seek His presence continually (1 Chronicles 16:11), and You promise that You will dwell in me and walk in me (1 Corinthians 6:16). Jesus, You are always here, but by recognizing Your presence, I have sought Your presence. When I walk into Your presence on the path of Your body (Hebrews 10:19-22), I enter into the Presence of my Father, for without You, I cannot stand in His presence and live (Exodus 33:20). Each day I thank You for being right beside me, for Your mere presence dispels my judgements, and casts out my enemy. Your presence is my Everything. Amen!

Someone's gotten me thinking about the reasons why I pray to my Heavenly Father. First of all, I look at prayer as a means of communication. Prayer is an affirmation that He's there, when He answers and even when He tells me to be quiet and listen up. I have His Word to tell me what He thinks about me, but somehow mysteriously, speaking His Word back to Him increases my trust in Him, deepens my faith in Him, causes me to continually fall in love with Him, and renews my acceptance of His offered grace to me. Asking Him for something, from small to gargantuan matters, is about accepting His power and His sufficiency to do what I can only attempt to do. There's a verse in Jeremiah (or maybe Ezekial) that says I will show you great and mighty things which you have not seen". It's a promise. A blatant promise. I could maybe even say it's a dare.

Of course, God can do anything, He already has - He created you and I, but for my benefit He dares me to ask Him to show me great and mighty things. He sometimes even tells me what to pray for. What I have learned is that what I ask for doesn't deepen my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and Jesus, my constant Companion. It's the fact He's answered. But it doesn't just benefit me. It benefits those who I share my story with. It causes hope. It propels people into the direction of praying outrageous prayers. And along the way, they'll realize it's not about the receiving but the fact He has answered.

Once upon a time, I prayed an outrageous prayer. Much of the prayer wasn't even of my own making. He answered and I am only just beginning to realize the power of that answered prayer. That blessing is only the side effect of spending time with Him, and that blessing is a thread that draws me back to Him. Amen. 

I've been asking myself this question all day:

Where can I go and how far can I go with this aspect of praise? To what extent will I wrap up my life in praise to my Creator?

Amen.

Praise is foundational. It is the doorway into His presence and is the atmosphere of His grace. Essentially, praise is the key! I want to praise the Holy Spirit for being my memory when I regularly forget to come to my Father. I want to praise my Father because of His consistent love for me, regardless of my state of being. His love for me encompasses my past, my present and my future. His love for me simply is. I will no longer pray, but I will now praise. For embodied in praise is the motions of awe, of humbleness, of repentance, of almighty power realized and accomplished in the "is", of healing and of rejuvenation. Praise is cyclical. It will loop back and will loop even deeper into self.

Sometimes trekking through a spiritual desert serves the purpose in enhancing and pinpointing a spiritual point more acutely than would living in a spiritual oasis.

Two months ago, before trekking into the desert, I was driving with a friend and began to expound on the beauty of praise and its all encompassing properties. I told her that despite whatever walk anyone is walking with God, anyone can praise and the factors found within praise apply and are accomplished in anyone. It is only now that I understand the vitality of praise. Praise is holding hands with Jesus. When you hold hands with someone, you cannot help but look up into the face of that person.

Praise is found throughout the entire Word, but interestingly enough, praise is relevant on both sides of heaven. The book of Revelation is riddled with praise sessions. In the midst of all the controversy, praise is interlocked throughout the entire book. This praise recognizes the Divine Power, and interestingly enough taps into that power in it's state of humbled vulnerability.

Father, Creator God, and Maker of my belief, Holder of my thoughts, Keeper of my heartbeat, thank You for hearing this heart cry, but also thank You for this exquisitely beautiful point that You have fashioned out of my time in Your well placed desert. Thank You for this gift of realized Praise. Amen!!!

P.S. Praise also factors into faith, praise reveals the depths of His love

I am having a down day. Everything is out of sorts - my mind, my body, my runaway thoughts and I am beginning to notice, my spirituality. I am sending up prayers for help and realizing that the cycle is going to start again. Amen