I am going to continue this whole idea of ownership and its characteristics because another word of interest has popped up - sake. I've continued on reading chapter 7, and righteousness has yet again shown itself but I am beginning to see the word 'sake' and now I am going back and seeing where that word is in other chapters. I keep seeing for Your sake or for their sake in  context to calling on God, so I am curious as to the significance of the 'sake' word and how that blends in with the idea of ownership.

weak of bones and troubled of soul

have mercy on my, o lord, for i am weak; o lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. my soul is also greatly troubled; but you, o lord - how long? psalms 6:2

In the struggling throes of my walk with Christ, it is good to be reminded that I am weak - not just a reminder to me, but to also include all of humanity in that view. To remember that we walk through life struggling with some aspects of ourselves. To remember that I only see that outside veneer most of the times. It is good to be reminded that my bones trouble me and that my soul is also troubled. It is a good reminder to call on God, but also to know that I am still weak in the presence of God.

Because He is my righteousness, and He is my strength - but nonetheless, I need to remember I am weak of bone and spirit. Amen. 

The owner of righteousness

I was reading through Psalms 5 this morning when I picked up a word parallel from chapter 4 - righteousness. But the word through these two chapters has several layers - ownership and its characteristics. As I was writing and reflecting on the use of the word, it was verse 4:1 that caused this realization of ownership:

hear me when i call, o god of my righteousness! you have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me, and hear my prayer. 

God of my righteousness. By stating God is the originator of his (David) righteousness, this whole virtuous state of being begins to make sense throughout the rest of the two chapters. Righteousness on our own is a tough gig. Throughout Christianity's history, saints and authors have written about the context of righteousness and people in general fall into this habit of trying to do righteousness on their own strength and means. Continuing on,  4:5 leads into

offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the lord. 

Sacrifices of righteousness is a new one to me and deserves some contemplation. Is this a sacrifice to obtain righteousness? Are these sacrifices righteous themselves? This sacrifices of righteousness is unclear, but look at the definition of sacrifice: an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. After looking at the definition, the only thing that I can conclude is that there are sacrifices to obtain righteousness. And the first sacrifice I can think of is self. How else do we than trust in God? Slay the self. 

The idea of ownership and the need for God to be owner of it is continued on in verse 5: 8:

lead me, o lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies; make your way straight before my face.

The path to God's righteousness is not easy, a tough gig to follow if we do it on our own. David's plea to make the way straight also continues another theme of David's - this constant calling on God. David's perpetual invoking of God's character is a feedback loop. David asks for God's righteousness, and thanks God for His strength and clarity to walk in righteousness. But what is keep to this feedback loop? The constant calling. Verse 5:12 ends with:

for you, o lord, will bless the righteous; with favor you will surround him as with a shield.

David knows the beginning and end of his righteousness, and trusts in the Originator of it, but David is also aware of the weakness of himself, and thus, constantly calls.

The result of constant calling

So I've been going back to Psalms for my morning devotions. I feel that my state of being is proportionally represented by David's voice at this moment in my life. Much groaning, much uncertainty, but much assurance that calling on God will lead to many good things. There are these particular verses that grabbed my attention this morning

there are many who say, who will show us any good? lord, lift up the light of your countenance upon us. you have put gladness in my heart, more than in the season that their grain and wine increased. i will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for you alone, o lord, make me dwell in safety. ps 4:6-8

David always starts his "chapters" with a calling out to God, but by the end of his lament/complaint/groan/concern, he assures his audience that God has indeed heard and answered.

The part that strikes me particularly are the words there are many who say, who will show us any good? The one thing about social media (facebook, twitter, instagram, etc) is the constant posting of people showing the "ungood" that is present in the world, and all that I can translate these posts and these posters as saying is, "who will show us any good"? 

Is it the human nature within us that only focuses on the ungood around us? It kind of now makes sense how David always goes about his conversations - he calls out, he mentions the ungood, but he ends with the moving strength of God in his life, regardless of the shadows of death around him.

Positive reinforcement! Right. Have to do this in my own life now. Off to learn JavaScript!

keeping sane

I am struggling with just about with every aspect of my life right now. I don't like this feeling of purposelessness. But I know that really, I am being pushed out of my comfort zone. Even though I've done a lot in the 5 years of my professional life, I've gotten into some grooves. It's now getting back into the mentality of embracing the new, the adventure, the undiscovered. So today, I am going to set down the first stepping stones to a new path - read a poem, write a book's paragraph, listen to music, absorb some sun, walk to the library, learn some javascript.

i will declare the decree: the lord has said to me, you are my son, today i have begotten you. ask of me and i will give you the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your posessions - psalms 1:7-8

It's a grand ol' adventure, right?

Pictures are deceiving. Pictures can be interrupted any way.  The other day, I updated my fb profile and cover pics - I do it because, hey, I like some creative flexibility in my personal branding - and I had many people say that I looked quite happy. Happy more than the normal? I guess....maybe? But the whole happiness factor, I don't buy it. Happiness is a choice, a habit if you will, at least for me. I am more concerned with the fact if I am content, and that comes from being productive.

Moving down here has been a significant mind process. I'm not working, and that's been a mental jigsaw puzzle. I do have quite a bit of free time, and I do have some personal projects that I prepped for this time, and I do get at them, but....I realize I need a significant challenge to propel me forward. So I am learning JavaScript right now. I have no idea where it will get me, but the goal is to get a good working knowledge of the coding.

Each day, I have to tell myself, this is outside the norm, you're really outside your comfort zone - you are in a grand ol' adventure. I am in a time and place for memory making, because I know the only time I will truly enjoy it is when I look back and realize the treasure I already had in front of me and not up the road.

fear and the individual voice

I moved to the US a few weeks ago. Everyday life here is pretty status quo or at least has the appearance of being so. Just about everyone back home is highly concerned about where politics is going down here, especially in context to the presidential candidates. The two that stand out really represent the spectrum, and one side of the spectrum is freaking people out.

Now, I don't mean to be indifferent, but nothing is new under the sun. There will always be level of good and bad government, and "good" and "bad" can be defined anyway. If anything we are blessed to know what the populace is thinking in general due to technologies ability to allow the individual voice to be heard.

But I am reminded of this entire situation as I was reading Luke 13: 1-5 this morning. Some people were talking to Jesus about the political situation that was going on between the Jews and the Romans, and Jesus at the end underlined the main point of the situation, everyone dies, everyone is a sinner, no person is greater or lesser due to their dying circumstances. I don't want to be indifferent, but at the end of the day, what really counts?

Practice makes perfect

I am here in this space writing again, because I need practice with writing in general. I am writing because it'll show that I've accomplished something this morning. My writing output use to be significant. I journaled most of my thoughts via paper and pen, but I haven't put any serious thought into the process for quite sometime. Practice makes perfect, right?

And speaking of practice, I am needing to practice many things other than writing.  I need to practice more of my art, more of contemplation, more of mindfulness. I am contemplating a career change....going from information management into the computer coding, and at the moment, needing to practice javascripting. I haven't done any serious coding for 5 years and I am a bit rusty. It's a little intimidating, but at the same time, I am curious as to know if I can do this or not. Can I pull it off?

Another thing I need to practice is mindful prayer. I haven't been mindful/purposeful about many a good thing in a long time.