An answered prayer

I am putting this out there because I want to remember - I need to remember moments when God answers. Thursday was that day. My boss comes to me wanting a rather complicated task completed by the end of the day - a task very much out of my range of capabilities. I had a panicked moment, and remember praying, "God, I can't do this task, it is beyond my understanding, I need You to do this for me." I went to another coworker that I figured would be able to explain the break down of the task to me since it was in his area of work. After going through the task with me, he turns to me and says, "Hey, just email me everything we went over, I'll get it whipped up in half an hour."

My heart skipped for joy!

It didn't take half an hour, more so 3 hours but at the end of the day, I was able to submit the task to her and she was pretty happy with it.

Thank You, Jesus for providing an answer to a desperate prayer. Amen!

Where I want to go

For the last year and a half, I've been drifting. I've had to do a lot of reevaluating of where I want to go in life and what goals need to be laid down for that to happen. I've had to remix my body, mind and spirit perspectives, most of which had in the past been influenced by my environment. Being completely disconnected from that enviro has caused major shifts on what I want in life - some of the wants are incredibly old just newly realized, and other wants are entirely new. Here's the list -

Being a minimalist - I want to live simply, deeply connected not with the material world, but connected to my surroundings and the people in it. It's also a matter of being a good steward of the earth - and this is a want that I've been struggling with because old habits are a bitch to kill. The spending beast is a strange bedfellow. 

Being a naturalist - I want to live out in nature and base my creative spirit out of that source. This is a very old want newly realized. I had the privilege of growing up out in nature and grow nostalgic about it on a regular basis, always pining after the pines. I want this more than anything now and moving back into that space is now a life vision. 

Being an artist - I want to bleed creatively on a daily basis - but believe or not, it takes time to be habitual about it. Getting into this space has been a journey peppered with people who've constantly pushed me to realize this place within myself. I've come to accept that this is where I am going and I am learning to love being here all over again but with some positive habit building. 

Being health focused - I want to love being active and eating good food but I struggle because I am naturally a sugar addict. This has been the most realized want of this year. Being in an entirely new enviro has helped me to finally get part way to being active and eating good food. I want to embrace the healthy more readily. 

Being a spiritual witness - I want to live out my experience with God/Jesus/Spirit in the conversations I have with the people I meet. The greatest need in my want is creating a consistent habit of daily Communing with Him and celebrating/reflecting on that process regularly. I am still on the search for soulful people to connect and pray with. 

Each goal ties intricately in each other. It's a matter of making the choice each day to realize each goal by figuring out the processes, the individual steps needed.   

Working through Discomfort

Comfort zones are the foe to my growth experience. This whole year has been about pushing me out of my comfort zone. When I was younger I would constantly remind myself to embrace being outside the comfort zone. I am getting back to that mentality. I am pursuing discomfort - because through discomfort there is a guarantee of growth. And thanksgiving - have to throw that in as well.

I feel like a tree - that all of this is seasonal - like my life is going through cycles of realization. I think initially, I get frustrated with myself but I move beyond that to understand this is how I function - it's how we all tick. As long as I am self-aware, keep reflecting on my inner workings I will keep going forward, be it in a cyclical motion. 

Where the journey is at

I am going through a process of re-purposing my corporate worship experience. Having attended the same congregation for 18 years, I never really had a following out over any disagreement. There was a maintained status quo all those years. During those years of attendance, I did participate in children, worship, and website divisions and appreciated the growth and understanding of my involvement. These areas weren't necessarily my passion, and so a lot of times as the commitment period ended, I would continue onto a new division/section. A lot of times, I got involved because someone asked and the Spirit moved me. However, having married and moved away, I am finding it incredibly difficult to commit to a church because, now as an adult, I am having to start from scratch and it has been difficult.

I think we were divinely led to our apartment. We moved in only to discover a church right beside us. I needed a social group and found out they had a choir. Initially, I started participating at the church next door because of singing. Yet, at some point I was thinking of quitting. When I focused on the service experience - not just being there and singing, I wanted to stay.

And that's where I am at currently. 

A desperate need

I desperately needed Psalms 34 today before I even realized I needed it. Jesus is kind of wonderful that way. People talk about filling up on God before hitting the work day and any troubles that might accrue along the way. Yet for me, sometimes I need to read His words after the trouble hits. It's phenomenally affirming to know Jesus has my back way before I begin the mental process of dealing. So here are the recognizable highlights of 34:

• 1 I will extol the LORD at all times; Hi praise will always be on my lips. 2 My soul will boast of the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together; 
• 4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look at him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor [woman] called, and the LORD heard [her]; he saved [her] out of all [her] troubles.
• 7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. 
• 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. 
• 9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 
• 11 Come my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desire to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. 14 Turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it. 
• 15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
• 18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 
• 19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. 

This psalms is packed with so much goodness, so much hope, so much strength. I have been refreshed. Amen. 

Not going to worry

There is a part of Psalms 33 that I really take to heart -

16 No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. 17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. 18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. 

20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his hold name. 22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you. 

There is a general scare going on with the main public here in the States due to the outcome of the election. I would even say in Canada people are going hysterical. I don't blame any of them for doing so, I am also unhappy with the current situation. Everybody has different places on where they put their faith and belief be it an entity, an organization or a system. What the psalmist speaks about, this is what I believe, and it is not blind. I have seen enough evidence in my life and the lives of others to know He does move, and sometimes in mysterious ways. At the end of the day, He will speak and He will answer. 

Also, aware of humanity's history and where it is going, I know this stuff will happen, but I choose to focus on hope and not hopelessness. As the Apostle Paul once wrote - Faith is hope in the things unseen. I don't know about this statement that is floating around that God is in control (I've seen it a lot on social media), and I really feel that it is a catch all phrase to define everything by people who are panicking. To me it doesn't make sense, God has given us free will and the consequences that come with those choices, so I find the statement a bit contradictory. As to the end, in context to Christian belief, yes, He would definitely be in control of that. 

This post is really a personal response to myself and all the articles and posts I've been seeing on social media from close friends, acquaintances, colleagues and people I follow. I've been so annoyed with everyone that I've just been unfollowing posts or people. I'm even getting to the place where I limit my exposure to social media. This fear mongering does nothing for me, so why expose myself? Hope is what we need, and that's what I am going to focus on. Amen.  

Processing forgivness

I opened up to Psalms 32 this morning and was just amazed at David's specific approach, discovery, review of the process of being forgiven. A lot of times when looking at the process of forgiveness, it is often approached from the view point of the person forgiving. So it was rather surprising to see David's words I will confess my transgressions to the LORD - and you forgave the guilt of my sin (:5). A lot of times, when the offender is asking for forgiveness, the residue of guilt is left behind. I feel like David is addressing the aspect of guilt; that God also has claim on this feeling in the package of forgiveness. To not give the guilt over to God is kind of akin to holding onto the sin. The holding on hampers with the healing and growth process that a person would go through afterwards.

Anyways, ever so often I come across a Psalms that really grabs my attention. I will be reflecting on this chapter for a few days. Amen.